I heard about this film when it was being made, but didn’t pay that much attention to it. I think a lot of the talk was speculation of Franco’s sexuality due to his choice of roles at the time. A friend recommended it to me a while back, and I added it to my Netflix queue, but still didn’t know what it was about. I was told it would make my cry, so, for some reason, my mind assumed it would be a story from the 80s or 90s about the AIDS crisis. How I came to that conclusion, I don’t know.

I didn’t learn what it was about until tonight when I finally read the little Netflix blurb before watching. Long story short, a guy named Michael renounces his homosexuality (and role as a gay activist) for religion.

I found it very interesting. I thought Franco and Quinto did an amazing job. Though I was perplexed by Michael, I found him to be sympathetic, which is important in this kind of film.

It made me think of my own life and my views of religion, and history with religion. I don’t consider myself to be a religious person. I believe in some higher power, but I don’t think of a God in the way religion does.

When I was growing up, my mom took my sisters and I to church pretty much every Sunday. And for a long time we went to Kingdom Hall (Jehovah’s Witness), so a lot of my childhood I was taught that being gay was wrong and you’d go to hell, etc. Which is interesting because all the while, I had gay people on my block and I looked up to them. And in some ways, subconsciously, I don’t think I fully rid myself of that torn feeling (which likely explains me being such a prude and my fascination with the Shadow Self.)

After, there was a short documentary, Michael Lost and Found, (I didn’t expect it to only be 18 minutes), where the real Michael and Benji reunite (prompted by the making of the film.) It was interesting and a bit heartbreaking, as it seemed something that really hurt Benji was when Michael turned his back on being gay, he didn’t just turn his back on their 10 year relationship, he also turned his back all all the gay kids he’d helped (and those he probably saved from suicide) through their magazine, which promoted awareness and acceptance of homosexuality. I did really like that they were able to come together and try to talk through what happened and where they are now.

The film also made me think about how I want to do more. I don’t just want to write scripts, I want to be able to help people (and maybe my scripts can help people, I don’t know.) But to see these stories of people who were in their early 20s with such passion and drive to make a difference in the world and really help me… it makes me want to do the same.