The Broken Hearts Club

I find it interesting how certain things or people can come into your life with perfect timing. The other night I was randomly re-watching Queer as Folk. That show meant (and still means) so much to me. It helped me on my journey towards coming out. It was 2006 and I’d just turned 18 when I was introduced to the show by my college roommate. He was gay, and I got to ask him a lot of questions I hadn’t been able to ask before. Anyway, the show is comforting to me, but also reminds me of how I thought life would be once I came out versus how it actually was.

That same night, I watched the first episode of Santa Clarita Diet, which I really enjoyed, with a friend, and seeing Timothy Olyphant, made him think of The Broken Hearts Club, so we watched that after, as I’ve never watched it before. Sidenote, I find Timothy much more attractive now than then, not that he wasn’t attractive back then, but he’s grown finer with age.

I think I’d heard of the movie before, I just never got around to watching it. Even before I was 18 and on my own, I tried to get my hands on LGBT film and TV, I suppose in a way to seek comfort or reassurance that it was normal and everything would be ok. Around 20, right around the time I came out, this kicked into overdrive. I’d search Wikipedia and IMDB for gay films and find them and watch them. Side note, Latter Days still makes me cry because the end was finally the moment when I realized I was gay and it was ok.

It took a little bit for me to get into the film, as it is dated, to say the least, but I became intrigued when it was brought to my attention that they live in West Hollywood. For those who don’t know, so do I (two years in May), and it was interesting to see what it looked like back in 2000 (well, I imagine the film was filmed in 1999.)

A part of me wishes I had been an adult in the 90s. My friend was in his early twenties when the film came out, he saw it in theaters. He’s a wealth of random information, which proved useful as he was able to tell me where things were shot and what they were referring to if they referenced a certain movie or store. I think me wanting to be an adult (or maybe teen) in the 90s is a grass is greener on the other side situation. I mean, would I have had more fun, as I tell myself, would living in a different time somehow make me a different person?

Thanks to Queer as Folk, I longed for a core group of gay friends for a very long time, even before that, I’d longed to belong to a core group. It never really worked out for me. I was able to move in and out of friend groups, some that couldn’t stand others, but didn’t belong to one solely. I realize as I’m the common denominator in these equations, it must be me, but I never really figured it out and no one has brought it to my attention. I’ve always felt like an outsider looking in, and perhaps I manifested it through that thinking. Nonetheless, I thought I’d come out, find three gay friends and we would do everything together… and it didn’t quite work out that way.

The Broken Hearts Club reminded me of how I felt when I first started watching Queer as Folk. I related the most to Kevin, though I’ve been out almost 10 years now, I still find myself learning and trying to navigate the gay world. I relate to his naivety in falling for someone because of a hook up (which may explain why I avoid them.)

It’s fascinating, and I talked about this in the G.B.F post, but a lot of gay men come out and go through a hookup phase. Like Dennis says in the film, he is 28 and wasn’t able to be gay for 25 years, so he had time to make up for. I never had that phase, and I often wonder if that is something to be thankful for or to regret.

I think a problem with being a writer is I always have these grand ideas, as my imagination tends to run wild, and real life tends to pale in comparison. It’s odd, Queer as Folk and The Broken Hearts Club bot have a bittersweet effect on me. They comfort me, as I see it is possible to develop meaningful relationships with other gay men (not to say I haven’t done so, as I do have some close gay male friends), but I also feel in some way that I have and am wasting my youth.

One of my favorite films is Nowhere, it is this 90s film that is really hard to explain, I’ll have to re-watch it and write a post about it. Rachel True, whom I LOVE, is in the film, and she is dating a guy, but they are both bi and have an open relationship, though he wishes to be monogamous. She essentially tells him that our bodies are for connecting with other people and she wants to do that now before she is old and no one wants her anymore. That always stuck with me, though I’ve done very little to implement that philosophy into my own life.

Back in my early gay Phoenix years, my friends would joke about me being asexual, and I think that has come up here in West Hollywood too. And, in all honesty, sex scares me for a number of reasons. I’m afraid to catch something, I’m afraid I’ll be terrible due to lack of experience, I’m afraid of expecting more or growing attached, and I’m afraid of intimacy. A lot of people can have casual sex, but I’m not one of those people.

This one time, years ago, I had recently broken up with my boyfriend at the time and was hanging with some friends. One, in particular, was always flirting, and there were drinks involved and I sought solace. It started innocently enough, just touching and being close, nothing sexual, as we were in the living room and other people were around. Then it got late and it was time for bed and I went in his room with him and cuddling lead to kissing and that led to close coming off, but when it came time to, well, do it, I was so scared for some reason, I was literally trembling. I wasn’t afraid of him, I’d known him a while and found him very attractive, and he hadn’t pressured me or forced me into anything. I was just scared (and he was a gentleman about it and we just cuddled the rest of the night, which was nice.)

One may think, one doesn’t have to have casual sex, one can go on dates and whatnot, well I don’t do that either. And I just keep thinking of Rachel’s character in Nowhere and wondering if I am wasting my youth. I’m not blaming it on anyone other than myself, I don’t put myself out there or flirt or ask anyone out or any of that stuff because that also scares me. A have a lot of fear hindering my life, perhaps why I sense I’ll regret my wasted youth.

Queer as Folk made me think I’d come out and get all this attention but that was not the case (though I did get some attention.) And for some reason, despite it not happening in Phoenix, I thought it would happen here in West Hollywood upon moving here, and again, not the case (though I did get some attention.) That being said, I feel we all mature at our own pace, some slower than others. I feel that I am finally starting to learn who I am as a person. Focusing more on writing these days has also helped me to focus more on what I like about myself, what I’d like to improve upon, and what issues and insecurities I need to work through to become the best me.

This one ended up being more about me than the film, which I suppose is ok. I’ve rambled on long enough. Part of me wishes I’d watched it sooner. I wish I’d been more comfortable with being gay sooner, and in some ways, I’m not sure if I’m completely comfortable with it yet, but that’s another post for another day.

G.B.F

The first time I heard of G.B.F, there was a lot of controversy over the rating. I’m not completely familiar with what takes a film from a PG-13 rating to an R, but many people, at least the people of Tumblr, felt it was given an R rating because its content was gay. If I remember correctly, you can only say “fuck” once in a PG-13 film, and I don’t believe that is ever said in the film, not that the use of that word is the only criteria.

Nonetheless, I stumbled upon the film later one summer Netflix binge day and I fell in love. Around that time, I was really into teen dramas, such as Awkward. That show made me realize I wish I’d had that high school experience, where you have a first love and date and what not. I think many gay people around my age can relate. I also really enjoyed this idealistic teenage life of living in a beautiful house in sunny California, going shopping with friends on the weekends and having not a care in the world.

What I love about G.B.F is even five years later, it is still fresh and unlike anything I’ve seen before or after. I’m also a sucker for witty dialogue and I love the use of color throughout the film. Not to mention, it is a really cute coming out story that I think can resonate with a lot of young people.

One thing I really liked about the film was how it played with the expectation of Tanner and Brent getting together. I personally wanted them too, I think they had great chemistry, and maybe I’ve watched one too many teen drama where the best friends end up together. I understood the confusion that can come with gay friendships.

I read somewhere that a lot of gay men spend their twenties catching up on things straight people learned in their late teens (romantically and sexually), I don’t think I ever got to that catch up point or I feel I may be just about to enter it (and I’ll be thirty in five months and two days, not that anyone’s counting.) I’m still in a stage where I’m fine holding hands, kissing and/or cuddling (and would honestly prefer that to any attempt at a sexual encounter), so teen movies like this are sweet because it’s what I want right now.

My favorite part of the film is when there is a slo-mo walk down a hall after Tanner gets his gay makeover. “Anything Can Happen” by Ellie Goulding is playing, and that song makes me so very happy. This one time, back when I lived in South Phoenix, my roommate was gone and I was in the house by myself and I was deeply sad about something, I can’t even remember what, I just remember having a drink and dancing around the house blasting that song on repeat. It’s so funny how music can change your spirit. Then I saw this film and now when I hear the song I think of that scene and I think of that night when I danced my blues away.

If you haven’t watched it, you should. It is a little cheesy at times, but all around delightful, witty and funny.

The Babysitter

I randomly heard of this film a few months ago when I saw a billboard for it on Sunset Blvd while walking home. What caught my attention was McG directed it. I’ve been a fan of his since the first Charlie’s Angels film, so I knew at the very least, I would be visually entertained.

I can’t explain why it took me so long to finally get around to it (though it took less time than Deadpool.) I’m glad I finally did. It was insane, it was witty and I loved every moment of it.

I remember researching who McG was after watching the first Charlie’s Angels film, that film was probably my favorite film as a pre-teen. I loved everything about it. From what I remember, as I did this research almost 20 years ago, he came from a background of music videos, and I think that’s why I like his style so much. It is quick, bright and exciting. (I suddenly wonder what he thinks of films like Sucker Punch and Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.)

The film, in a nutshell, is about a boy who is basically afraid of everything. He is picked on and he is kinda weird. He has this bombshell of a babysitter and one night he decided to stay up to see what she does when he sleeps… only to discover she and her friends are part of this satanic cult. Very interesting premise.

It gave me a little bit of a Jennifer’s Body tease (and I don’t care what anyone says, that film was before it’s time and I will fight you if you say otherwise.) and, being a Joss Whedon fan, I can’t help but adore a film that has quirky dialogue.

I do wish some things had been explained more, like, the how’s and why’s the cult came to be (it’s briefly touched on, but I wanted more), but other than that, it was a very fun ride and from what I’ve seen, it has been doing well with critics and viewers alike.

I also read that McG bought this script after discovering it on the 2014 Black List of unproduced scripts. The Black List is a list of “most liked” scripts for the year. From my understanding, development executives rate the scripts and they are ranked based on how many likes they get.

A dream of mine would be for McG to buy a script of mine, as his directing style would suit my writing style.

Watching the film, along with other series of recent events, made me realize if I compare myself to the great writers, I’ll never get any writing done. When I was younger, I didn’t think about winning awards or anything like that, I just loved writing stories, and I can tell in films like The Babysitter, there is love and passion for the story.

A problem I have in all aspects of my life is not being able to let go and let loose. My writing was the one place I was free. I think the more I learned about screenwriting, the more I wanted my writing to be prestigious, and maybe that is why I’ve been losing my passion for writing? It’s slowly coming back to me as I remember how to let go again, at least when it comes to writing.

This film made me so happy, not just because it was a fun ride, but because it reminded me that there is space in the industry for everyone to write/produce/direct what they love, and they right people who love it too will find it. It makes me excited about my future writing endeavors.

I Am Michael

I heard about this film when it was being made, but didn’t pay that much attention to it. I think a lot of the talk was speculation of Franco’s sexuality due to his choice of roles at the time. A friend recommended it to me a while back, and I added it to my Netflix queue, but still didn’t know what it was about. I was told it would make my cry, so, for some reason, my mind assumed it would be a story from the 80s or 90s about the AIDS crisis. How I came to that conclusion, I don’t know.

I didn’t learn what it was about until tonight when I finally read the little Netflix blurb before watching. Long story short, a guy named Michael renounces his homosexuality (and role as a gay activist) for religion.

I found it very interesting. I thought Franco and Quinto did an amazing job. Though I was perplexed by Michael, I found him to be sympathetic, which is important in this kind of film.

It made me think of my own life and my views of religion, and history with religion. I don’t consider myself to be a religious person. I believe in some higher power, but I don’t think of a God in the way religion does.

When I was growing up, my mom took my sisters and I to church pretty much every Sunday. And for a long time we went to Kingdom Hall (Jehovah’s Witness), so a lot of my childhood I was taught that being gay was wrong and you’d go to hell, etc. Which is interesting because all the while, I had gay people on my block and I looked up to them. And in some ways, subconsciously, I don’t think I fully rid myself of that torn feeling (which likely explains me being such a prude and my fascination with the Shadow Self.)

After, there was a short documentary, Michael Lost and Found, (I didn’t expect it to only be 18 minutes), where the real Michael and Benji reunite (prompted by the making of the film.) It was interesting and a bit heartbreaking, as it seemed something that really hurt Benji was when Michael turned his back on being gay, he didn’t just turn his back on their 10 year relationship, he also turned his back all all the gay kids he’d helped (and those he probably saved from suicide) through their magazine, which promoted awareness and acceptance of homosexuality. I did really like that they were able to come together and try to talk through what happened and where they are now.

The film also made me think about how I want to do more. I don’t just want to write scripts, I want to be able to help people (and maybe my scripts can help people, I don’t know.) But to see these stories of people who were in their early 20s with such passion and drive to make a difference in the world and really help me… it makes me want to do the same.

The Punisher

This weekend, I actually stayed in, for once, and managed to finish watching The Punisher. I’m not sure what took me so long to finally start it or why I didn’t finish it sooner, as I loved it. If not for my love of Daredevil and Elektra, I would say The Punisher is my favorite Netflix/Marvel show… but alas, it is my second favorite.

I don’t know if it is a Virgo in me or what, but I am really drawn to a tough guy who is also sensitive. When I would post that I was watching I kept referring to Frank Castle as Daddy Frank and Billy Russo as Zaddy Billy. In the end, I found myself drawn more to Zaddy Billy (as far as attraction), though I think it may be because he reminded me of a guy I had a crush on once upon a time…

Back to the review, I really enjoyed the vulnerability of both characters. The juxtaposition of them being these ruthless killers made to the moments when they were emotional and/or lighthearted just pulled me in. I felt like tearing up any moment Frank let his guard down, especially the moments he had with Karen. There was SO much tension and I can’t wait until season two (and Daredevil season three) to see what happens next.

Before Daredevil season two, I didn’t know much about The Punisher. I knew his background and I knew there was a film that didn’t do well. I like him for similar reasons that I like Elektra, they are killers and you don’t really know if they are good or bad (I suppose it depends on who you ask). I consider them both to be tragic heroes, and that is probably way I’m drawn more to Billy than Frank. Frank is to Daredevil as Billy is to Elektra (minus the romantic/sexual relationship).

I also loved Dinah. She was such a bad ass and I loved that she was relentless in achieving her goal. Her relationship with Billy also reminded me of the Daredevil/Elektra relationship. I don’t want to give away spoilers for anyone who may be reading this who hasn’t watched, but I’ll just saw both know more about the other than they let on. And even though Billy is this pretty boy, and one would expect him to be some type of player, he would open up to Dinah and show this strange emotional side that I found charming.

The one thing I didn’t like about the show, which is a bit nitpicky on my part, was the fucking kids. So, early in the series, Frank teams up with a guy named Microchip, much like himself, the world thinks Microchip is dead. This was an excellent pairing, as it gave some comedic elements and, it warmed me to Frank to see him bond with someone. But Microchip’s fucking kids, his son in particular were annoying as fuck.

Since his family doesn’t know he is alive, he spies on them, and from time to time has Frank go check on them. His annoying ass son is rude and angry, and towards the end of the season, he and Frank have this really touching moment where he reveals the reason he is such a little bastard… only for him to go right back to being a little bastard shortly after, which results in him putting his entire family in danger. It reminded me a bit of Gabe’s annoying ass from The Walking Dead: A New Frontier.

Other than that, and a few times when the gore was a bit much for my taste, I thoroughly enjoyed the season. I’m hoping Elektra returns in a future season of one of these Netflix shows (also, I love that she is the focal point of the thumbnail for The Defenders), as I’m curious how she would interact with Frank. Better yet, if there is another season of The Defenders, can we exchange Iron Fist with him?

And before I forget, I really enjoyed the commentary on veterans thorough the season. It is not unknown that veterans return from war and don’t know what to do with themselves for a number of reasons, such as PTSD, or not being able to find a decent job. The support group scenes were excellent and showed lots of different sides of the coin, some coping well and some not coping at all. There were certain storylines I didn’t expect to develop, i.e. Lewis, but then I was surprised that his story didn’t climax with Frank’s, Dinah’s and Billy’s, but, again, small nitpicky thing. If you haven’t watched it and are a fan of the other Netflix shows, I don’t know what you’re waiting for.

Defenders

I powered through Iron Fist so I could watch Defenders and have it make sense. I’m glad I did, as a lot of what happened in Defenders picked up where Iron Fist left off. Again, I’ll try to avoid spoilers, but this is all stream of conscious, so, there may be some.

First of all, I commend the writers, as I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to blend these four different heroes, all with their own shows that had their own styles. I thought it was done really well.

Second, ELEKTRA!!!! I was very excited for her return. Those who know me know she is my favorite Daredevil character, favorite Marvel character, favorite comic book character, hell, she is one of my favorite fictional characters. I loved the homage to her original costume. I also really enjoyed the Jill Valentine tease (Resident Evil 5) they did with her… and I’m already searching for a black trenchcoat with red lining.

It was interesting to see the characters interact with one another. Up until this point, Claire was the only one (I believe) that knew them all. It felt a little exposition-y at times, them explaining powers and all, (and maybe I just felt a certain way as I had just watched Iron Fist and did not need/want to hear him tell his damn story again) but I was able to live with it.

This is likely my bias, but I felt Elektra stole the show. I couldn’t help but compare her to Harld Meachum. Had she lost part of her soul upon resurrection as he had? I also felt a bit of Illyria tease with her as well. She was a vessel, a weapon. Black Sky was now inhabiting Elektra’s body, much like Illyria infected and took over Fred’s in Angel. I felt so bad for Matt when he realizes she was brought back to life and his efforts to get her to remember him were endearing.

I also really enjoyed her kicking Iron Fist’s ass multiple times.

Some people had issues with the pacing, but I felt it moved well, especially considering it was only eight episodes. It brought the characters together and got them fighting (something I wish Iron Fist had done more efficiently).

I was a bit confused by The Hand. Their goal didn’t make sense, the more I think about it, and reminded me too much of Buffy, which Dawn being the Key Glory needed to get back home. I wanted to see them do more, as a majority of the time, they just stood around while Elektra kicked ass.

Defenders ending with me wanting more. It’s a catch 22, I enjoyed the series and binged it quickly, but now I have to wait for the next entry, be it Daredevil, Punisher, etc. I’m also excited to see if there will be any other shows, perhaps Daughters of Dragon? I read somewhere that Defenders is looking to big Netflix’s biggest premier, so only time will tell.

Iron Fist

I’ll make this short and sweet. I was not a fan of Iron Fist. It is hard to pinpoint one specific thing, I just wasn’t able to really get into it. I didn’t like Danny, I didn’t like Colleen, for most of the show I didn’t like the Meachums. The characters I liked were characters from the other shows, like Claire and Hogarth (Hogarth’s one liners slayed me), though I really loved Davos and Ward Meachum became my favorite character. I’ll try my best not to put in any spoilers.

It felt like there was a lot of story crammed into one season. Maybe it is my love of Buffy that clouds my judgement, but I like the formula where a big bad is introduced in the beginning of the season and the gang works their way towards the big showdown at the end of the season. In Iron Fist, I couldn’t tell who was meant to be the main adversary, the Meachums? Gao? Bakuto?

I found it hard to relate to Danny or care about what he was going through. A lot of people describe him as whiny, and I don’t know if that’s what I saw. He just seemed juvenile for someone who studied under monks for 15 years. At the beginning, it seemed the season would be about his fight against the Meachums to prove his identity and get his company back, but that was quickly resolved (I’ll dive a bit more into that later). I really, really did not like when Danny was in the hospital. It slowed the pacing down way too much for my tastes.

The season was enjoyable when Danny had purpose, which was to stop Gao. I started to really get invested in the show, and dare I say, start to like Danny and Colleen… and then her sensei, Bakuto, popped up, and I started not liking the show again. It was a sudden change in direction, which made it difficult to determine, ok, who is the real threat here? Things became interesting when Davos hit the scene (his personality is what I expected and wanted from Danny), but at that point, I really just wanted the show to be over so I could watch Defenders and have it all make sense.

The evolution of Ward and Harold Meachum fascinated me. Ward is my favorite character of this series, as he is so complex and I felt he had a great story arc. Harold was interesting because you know he is a villain from the beginning, but the whole thing about coming back from the dead and each time losing a piece of one’s soul was intriguing to me, it made it interesting to watch him interact with other characters, especially those close to him (poor Kyle), as there was so much tension. Would he snap? And if so, how far would he go?

A lot of the character motivations felt confusing, especially Joy’s. She was very back and forth, and it seemed to be for the sake of moving the story forward rather than from her character’s own doing. Example, towards the beginning, there is a scene where Danny confronts her and her brother, she tells him they are not his family and they do not want him there. They are trying to keep the company from him, despite him being the rightful heir. Everything that connects him is gone, except one clay creation Joy has… and she gives it to him… WHY?!? Another time, later in the season, she sides with her father over her brother, which makes absolutely no sense, especially considering the previous episode, she is begging her brother to let her in on what’s going on.

The other three shows had a nice flow to them, and I may not have liked all the characters, but I at least liked the main one. That being said, I’m always willing to give a show a chance, so if there is a second season, I’d be open to watching it.