Tag: Looking

Queer As Folk: Justin & Ethan

So, this is going to go against my previous two posts where I said I hate Justin. It still stands true, but I really liked his relationship with Ethan. Towards the end of season 2, Justin meets Ethan, a young violinist, and there is instant chemistry between the two. I think it has a lot to do with the two of them being artists. I can’t say this for a fact, but I believe those with artistic souls are more passionate about things than others. In this case, Ethan’s passion and romantic ways draw Justin to him.

Ethan provides Justin what he desperately wants from Brian; romance and attention. Brian shows Justin in his own little ways that he cares but he refuses to make grand romantic gestures. So, Justin plays with fire by continuing to flirt with Ethan. One particular instance, which is probably my favorite, is when Justin and Ethan have this romantic lunch picnic on Ethan’s living room. Justin craves that kinda thing and Ethan slowly but surely seduces him by feeding that craving. The next scene is Justin recreating a picnic dinner on the floor at Brian’s. Brian comes home and instantly isn’t into it, which begs the question is Justin into Ethan or is he into the idea that Ethan represents, which is romance; the one thing lacking (for Justin) in his relationship with Brian.

Eventually, Justin leaves Brian for Ethan (I haven’t gotten to the episode yet, so I can’t remember exactly why.) but their love is short lived. Again, I believe it is an issue of the writers using the characters as plot devices more than anything, but who knows. Ethan ends up cheating on Justin and he goes back to Brian. I have the same issue with Ethan cheating as I have with Kevin suggesting an open relationship in Looking. In my mind, at least the way I thought I knew the character, it would seem highly unlikely for Ethan to cheat on Justin after spending so much time to win him. In Looking, Kevin finally wins Patrick back, only to suggest an open relationship. To me, these did not seem like moves these characters would make. However, would Queer as Folk really continue if Brian and Justin’s relationship didn’t? It was the whole premise of the show.

Though I dislike Justin, I thought he’d found his soulmate in Ethan. I remember thinking I was going to meet a musician in college and we’d fall madly in love. It didn’t happen. Though I am an artist at heart, I care myself more like a Brian. I keep people at a safe distance and I don’t like when people try to get close. The closer someone tries to get, the harder I push them away. But underneath it all, I relate to what Justin wanted. The passion, the romance, the attention. And I think when you are both artists you can relate on a different level.

I also liked that Ethan was more age appropriate. Ethan was a struggling artist, which I also found attractive about him. When I see myself falling in love, I see the guy being equal to me and we help the other build his career and success. I saw that and I wanted that for the two of them.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Justin and Brian are cute together, I just thought Justin and Ethan were better. What makes me like Justin and Brian are the moments when Brian lets down his guard and lets Justin in. Ethan was like that all the time, sentimental, romantic and sweet. But the show must go on.

Looking

So, I’m realizing these are less reviews and more how these shows/films/video games/books made me feel, and I’m just going to stick with it.

A friend and I watched Looking back when it first aired. We’d meet up once a week at his place, watch the episode and then discuss. I LOVED the first season. The series really spoke to me for a few reasons. First, the series that really helped me on my journey to coming out was Queer As Folk (US), and I’ll likely re-watch it in the near future and write something about it. Looking reminded me a lot of QAF and made me feel how I felt when I watched QAF (more on that in a bit.) Second, I had set my plan to move to Los Angeles, and seeing gays living in a big city in California resonated with me.

The second season, I still loved the show, but I was really upset with the characters, especially Patrick. Patrick is the one I identify with the most, though I feel far removed from any of the characters, also Jonathan Groff is adorably hot (which I feel is a rare find, being adorable and hot at the same time.) With QAF, I identified most with Michael, and he is the Michael, in my opinion, of the series. I loved him and Richie, and I hated him and Kevin.

Going through the series a second time, I feel a bit differently. I still love Patrick/Richie and hate Patrick/Kevin, but I could understand Patrick’s decisions a bit more. I don’t know if having been in Los Angeles almost two years (officially two years in 16 days… how crazy) made me think differently about things (or how it would.) I finally watched the film too. I just finished watching it, and it moved me so much.

When I would critique the series, up to about yesterday, actually, I would say the thing that bugged me about the characters was they were making mistakes I felt people in their early 20s would make, not people in their late 20s and 30s. Yet, I feel completely different about it now. The mistakes they were making were relationship mistakes, and those have no age limit. Though I think Patrick shouldn’t have been a homewrecker.

I remember being more critical of the show when it first aired, and I think my friend still has this opinion, because it shows a very promiscuous and drug-friendly side of the community that I couldn’t relate to, though I was happy it had more diversity than I saw in QAF. However, I started watching before I took my LGBTV (LGBT Television) course and learned that minorities tend to be more critical (and if I’m anything, I’m critical) of portrayals they see in media, as there is less representation. Example: You can see a junkie who is white in a show/film, and that can be the only junkie, and most people will not have a problem. However, if you have one black character in a show/film and they are a junkie, that is problematic.

So, I have less issue with the sex and the drugs than I did before, because though that is not my experience, I know that is the experience of gay men out there. If you don’t believe me, by all means hit up The Chapel on a Sunday night, the dance floor is like a mini circuit party.

The movie makes me wish I’d done more to support the show so it would have continued. I don’t know what I could have done, maybe watched it more, posted more about it, I could have written this two, three years ago?

My friend felt all the characters, except Richie and Doris, were terrible people. I agree less now. I think now that they were just navigating through life, and it isn’t always going to be right or even remotely perfect.

Now onto how it made me feel. I remember the first time I watched Latter Days, I was 20 and somehow stumbled upon it in my quest to find more gay cinema. I cried like a baby at the end. It was a touching moment, but for me, it was the moment when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, and I finally admitted to myself that one day I wanted to be in love. Watching shows like QAF and Looking remind me of that.

The end of the film made me so happy (I won’t spoil it, in case you, like me, didn’t watch it when it originally came out,) and it reminded me of that longing I have. I’m aware I stand in my own way though (when you want to be a writer, you kind of have to be self-aware). I keep people at a distant, and those who get too close I push away, so I still have some learning and growing to do, work out my inner demons and childhood traumas and such.

I feel like a cliché sometimes. It’s crazy, because even before I was out or would admit to myself that I was gay, I’d have this fantasy, and it would recur all the time. I lived in this apartment that had a front porch and a guy would walk me to my door after some date (the fantasy never included the actual date) and he’d kiss me goodnight. I was 18, and I’m 29 now (I’ll be 30 in seven months) and it has yet to happen… and now I don’t even have a damn front porch…

I feel like an anomaly among my gay friends. I don’t hook up. The last (official) date I can remember being on happened back in… 2013 or 2014… I think? Which is why I don’t relate to the characters in many gay films/shows (not that I’m actively seeking to change any of this.) I’ve been told many times throughout my life that I’m an old soul. From a young age, even before I knew I was gay, I knew what I wanted.

I don’t just want a boyfriend, I want a boyfriend that will become a husband. I want monogamy, the house, the kids, the whole nine yards, just that hetreonormative life, I suppose, and maybe I shouldn’t want it, but I do. I don’t judge anyone living differently, and I’m not saving myself for marriage or anything. I just, I don’t know, I find sex to be very intimate, so I’m not good at trying to do it casually, and part of me, which some may find very stupid, is saving myself for a relationship. I obviously can’t expect a future boyfriend/partner to do the same for me, but I find something about it to be rather romantic on my part.

I’m aware of the whole love yourself before you love somebody else thing, and I’m still working on the first part, so I’m in no rush to find someone or for someone to find me. But scenes in the show and the film pulled at my heartstrings. I couldn’t help but think, oh, that would be nice when I’d see the flirting, the hand holding, the relationship in bloom. So. Freaking. Charming.

This was definitely a series that was gone way before its time.