Less Than Zero

I decided to watch this film because it has been on my Netflix list for a while and it was only available until March 1st, so I figured I might as well get it over with.

A few years ago, I read the book it is very loosely based upon. I knew the movie is a very watered down version, which is why I hesitated to watch, but I enjoyed it. Perhaps because it has been so long since I read the book, I couldn’t accurately compare the two, or perhaps because going into it I expected to be disappointed, so my expectations were low. I also knew it was loosely based on the book, so perhaps that helped me judge it as its own entity.

Long story short, the book and film are about a guy who comes home for the holidays from college and his disillusionment with that world… and the world in general. I stumbled upon this book, as I knew it was the same author as American Psycho and Rules of Attraction. That same day, I also bought another book, I can’t remember the name of it and am too lazy to get out of bed and get it, but it was a memoir that gave me a similar vibe. Both books included a guy addicted to drugs and selling his body. (I got up and got the book, it is called Assuming the Position.)

I bought three books that day, Less Than Zero, Assuming the Position and The Side of Paradise and they all had a disillusionment about the world that I also felt that summer I read them.

In the film, Clay is your moral compass. It makes sense, as in a film, you need someone to empathize with, ideally the protagonist, as you become that person, in a sense, for the duration of the film. In the book, he is more or less as bad as Blair and Julius. All they do is party, drink, have sex (most characters are bisexual), and do drugs. It’s interesting because I vividly remember reading parts of the book and seeing them as scenes in Nowhere, a film by Gregg Araki that I love that has a similar tone, only Less Than Zero was written almost ten years earlier.

Anyway, from what I read, the book had a difficult time being translated to film, if you read the book, you’d understand why. It is a really bleak look at what it is like to have more money than one should have, to be young and hot and have nothing to do and nothing to look forward to.

I loved Robert Downey Jr’s performance. From what I’ve read, the general consensus is he is the best part of the film.

I’ve always had a fondness for the 80s, maybe because I was born at the end of the decade, so all I know is the glamorous version from TV and movies. I sometimes wonder how my life would have been had I been a teenage in the 80s or 90s. And now I have an urge to re-read the book.

Feeling Good

This is going to be short and sweet, as I have shit to do today.

I’m typically not the type to make New Year’s resolutions. I don’t have anything against them, per se, just not my thing. One doesn’t need a new year to become a new person. That being said, the new me transformation seems to be happening around the new year.

I can’t explain how or why I feel differently now than I did before, but I do. I feel inspiration and I feel like I’m tired of letting fear control my life. February 12th marks my two year anniversary living in Los Angeles, and I’ve done very little writing. Writing is the whole reason I moved here. My fear of not being good enough has kept me from putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard… at least to write a script). Plenty of ideas have been in my head and I’ve jotted them down and started to flesh them out.

Though I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions, my mom always used to say whatever you are doing at midnight on New Year’s is how you’ll spend a majority of your year. I’ve always believed that, for some reason. As a teen, I’d get out my pen and paper, turn on Buffy’s “This Year’s Girl,” and go into the new year writing.

Last year, I wanted to be have more of a social life here in West Hollywood, so I opted to go to a New Year’s party, despite only knowing one person there, and it’s safe to say I spent a lot more time going out and being social this year than I did last year.

I’ve decided to make a commitment to myself this year. Writing is going to be my focus this year, as if I don’t write, I’ll never be good enough, because I’ll never have the practice. Going out is fun and all, but I need to do it in moderation, as it never truly makes me happy, it feels empty and hollow. I desire friendships that consist of more than just going out and drinking. I’d love to find some fellow creatives.

So, this is already longer than I intended, last night I bought myself a planner so I can organize my time. It is very important to do that now that I have two jobs. I need to schedule time to write, and I will. This year is going to be about getting shit done and no longer procrastinating.

The first time, today is laundry. I woke up at 8am, despite not having to work, and put my comforter in the washer, so I can’t just lay back in bed and go back to sleep. I have some cleaning and re-organizing to do today and then a bit of grocery shopping.

It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life, for me…

And I’m feeling good.

All I Want for Christmas is not the Flu

I’ll be 30 August 30th 2018 (my golden birthday). Like clockwork, every year, around Christmas time, I get sick, usually the flu. This started around the time I moved to Phoenix, which was in 2006, and has followed me through my move to Los Angeles. One would think, a man in his late twenties, at this point, would realize it may be smart to get a flu shot to avoid all this… but not me.

So, I’ve been in bed the past two days, downing orange juice and sleeping in hopes my body will stop betraying me and recover. Next year I am getting a flu shot. I HATE being sick. I’m a rather independent person and being sick just reminds me that I don’t have anyone to take care of me or look after me, and I don’t like to think of that.

I haven’t been writing here lately, so I figured I’d give a bit of an update on Los Angeles life. I started a second job at the end of Nov. I had been looking for a while, and nothing panned out. I could survive of the income I was making at my full time job, but I want to live a bit more comfortably, so I found a second job. It’s been fun, though more hard work than I expected, which may or may not have contributed to me getting sick this year.

I wish I had a side job or side hustle that worked towards my ultimate goal of being a writer, but at this time, I don’t know how to make that happen, so I’ll write on the side for fear, and collect this extra income.

For a while, I lost my motivation to write at all, even journal, which I’ve also started to get back into. But it is coming back, and oddly enough, the second job is starting to light a fire in me. I think, these five hours I spend here three to four times a week could be spent writing. I’m feeling inspired to write more in my few time, now that I can let go of some stress about money, and I’m also thinking more about other ways to increase my income, such as find an audience for this blog and monetize it. Time will tell. In the meantime, I’m going to keep busting my ass and I’m also going to keep cultivating script ideas.

There are times when I have my doubts about moving here. Granted, it has only been about two years, but I feel, hell, I know, I haven’t been doing enough to get me where I want to be, or even put me on the path to where I want to be and I come down on myself pretty hard about that. I have a lot of insecurities and fears that hold me back and I’m trying to work through them, as I know once I do, the sky’s the limit.

Big Brother

I recently started watching Big Brother again. The last time I devoted myself to this show, I was in high school. My mom introduced me to the show, as she introduced me to others, like Alias. That was at least 10 years ago.

I was reintroduced to the show while in San Diego visiting some friends. We watched two episodes, and I was hooked all over again, plus it reminded me of my mom, which was nice. With the wonders of the internet, I rarely watch TV shows while they are airing, I’m a Netflix kinda guy, but I came out of my room every Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday to watch Big Brother.

I was team Jody. I’m more a fan of Jessica than Cody, but he won my vote by association. I was sad to see Jessica leave last week and Cody leave this week (as well as Elena, as she was my second favorite in the house). Now I am rooting for Mark, because he is the only one left that isn’t in the Paul alliance.

Granted, I haven’t watched in about a decade, but it seems odd that the whole house created an alliance so quickly, and it also makes the show less interesting, as each week, Paul seems to decide who is going home, and that person goes home. I’m hoping things will be more interesting once the alliance has to turn on each other, but even then, I wouldn’t be surprised if Paul just said X, you’re going up and you’re going home, and they just said, OK.

That being said, I already sunk my teeth in, so I’ll continue to watch because I want to know how it ends.

The Gift

I’ve been trying to refocus my energy and efforts lately. It has been a little over a year and a half since my move to Los Angeles, and I haven’t spent much time writing but it is something I constantly think about. The more time I spend wondering what is keeping me from moving forward, the more I think about Buffy (as many of life’s lessons were taught to me by that show).

Much like Buffy in the earlier seasons, I feel I have been running from my destiny, trying to be anything else but what I’m meant to be. In her case, it was being the Slayer, in mine, it is being a writer. Writing has always made me the happiest. It is my way of bleeding all my emotions that I bottle up and keep inside.

Back in high school, and for the first few years in Arizona, I wrote at least once a day. A pen and paper were attached to me like lifelines. Somehow I fell away from that. I’ve always been a lonely person and there has always been a void I’ve tried to fill, I’ve tried filling it with different things. Different friends, material things, food, drinks, but I’m only at peace when I’m writing. I’m not lonely when I’m writing as I have my characters and their worlds to keep me company.

As I began to write less and less, I needed more of those things to fill that bigger void, and it never seemed to be enough. And now I wonder, why have I been avoiding writing when it makes me the happiest? Though I switched my major a few times while in university, I’ve known since childhood that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up, it was just the medium I was uncertain about.

When I’m honest with myself, fear is what has kept me stagnant. Fear of failure, and oddly enough a fear of success as well. I am working through those fears now as there is no substitution for the way writing makes me feel. The only thing that comes remotely close is music.

I’ve been re-reading my screenwriting books and I am also preparing to re-write some scripts I wrote for school and I’m also working on some new script ideas. When I was 17 years old, I made the decision to move to Arizona on my own with little money, and everyone tried to talk me out of it, but I was fearless and knew it was where I needed to be. I want to be that fearless again when it comes to writing and chasing my dreams. I mean, I did make the bold move to Los Angeles, it would be a shame to come so far and not continue to fight.

Sometimes I wish I’d come to this realization earlier, but I do believe the Universe has a path for us, for whenever we are willing and able to take it. So, this is a way of making an oath to myself to devote to myself and my craft. As death was Buffy’s gift, writing is mine.

Resident Evil 5

Resident Evil 5 for PS4 arrived on my doorstep on July 12^th (thankfully, I have Tuesdays off) and I immediately dove in.

It is easily my favorite game of the series. It’s safe to say it one of my favorite co-op games as well.

Years ago, a buddy and I platinumed the game on PS3. It was so much fun. He had played with a friend of his, who helped him beat the game under five hours and get the unlimited rocket launcher ammo. In turn, he played through with me so I could get it as well. Then we played through on Professional Mode, and unlocked that Platinum trophy.

We planned to platinum the game again, this time on PS4. Most of my PS4 RE5 play experience has been with him. I read an article the other day talking about what made RE5 such a great game was the co-op. After a few hours of struggling to play Professional Mode on my own, I can’t help but agree. The AI is incredibly annoying when you play single player. Co-op allows you to get things done much faster, whereas playing single player felt more like leading Chris (I always play as Sheva) around, which only slowed me down. Not to mention, for whatever reason, he won’t use the rocket launcher at all. He tends to go for guns that have limited ammo, rather than using the ones I give him that have unlimited. My buddy and I beat Veteran Mode together in a little over three hours.

In three hours, I am just entering Chapter 3 of the game, which is about the halfway point, playing solo on Professional.

I’ve yet to play RE6, despite owning it, but, from what I recall, the reviews weren’t favorable. Nonetheless, if it has a co-op experience like RE5, I’m sure I will enjoy it. And all this Resident Evil play just makes me excited for RE7.

E3 2016

E3 has been the new Christmas for me as an adult. Once upon a time, I was subscribed to GameInformer and that was how I heard about all the E3 news. However, all that changed when I moved to Arizona.

By E3 2007, I was friends with Adam. At the time, we lived together and shared a room. He introduced me to so much and one of those things was watching the E3 conferences.Now, almost 10 years later, I look forward to watching them each year, especially Sony’s.

I was pleasantly surprised this year, though it will be pretty hard to top last year’s announcement of the FFVII Remake. My favorite is a game called Bound. I love the art style and the movement of the character. It looks like a game I would almost enjoy more watching someone else play.

Of course, I am in love with Detroit: Becoming Human. I’ll play anything by Quantic Dream because I already know it will have an amazing story. Speaking of, I was happy to hear their first game, Indigo Prophecy, will be making its way to PS4. I also own the HD remakes of Heavy Rain and Beyond Two Souls on PS4.

A lot of people are excited about the new God of War. It looks really great, but I have yet to finish any of the original games, so I couldn’t get too excited about it. Another big one was Resident Evil 7. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. It felt a bit too much like Silent Hill to me and I like that the two horror series had such distinct styles. I do like that it seems to be going back to its horror roots. Overall, I’m cautiously curious about it.

I’m also very happy about the Skyrim remaster coming to PS4, because I never got around to playing it when it first came out. I also almost screamed at work when I heard about the Crash Bandicoot remakes. A lot of people have negative feelings about remasters, but I love them. If I can help the developers put funding towards new projects by repurchasing games I want to replay, but don’t want to play on older systems, it feels like a win-win to me.

Overall, this year I haven’t been as excited about games as I have been in the past. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am constantly researching games, so by the time I watch E3 conferences, I already know what to expect.

Being Mary Jane

I stumbled upon this show one night thanks to Ray and Ricky. I heard about it before and heard a bit of controversy about it, but it hadn’t peaked my interested. Truth be told, I was never that big a fan of Gabrielle Union. I always thought she looked mean and angry and she always played mean characters, it is silly to judge an actress by the roles she plays, I know.

However, they were watching an episode as I came home from work one day and I was instantly intrigued. I discovered it was on Netflix and sat down and watched the first season. I fell in love with the show instantly for several reasons.

First, I love Gabrielle Union as Mary Jane. I couldn’t see another actress in the role. To her credit, I only watcher her earlier teen roles, and then Deliver Us From Eva, and wasn’t aware of the great range of emotions she can give to a role. Mary Jane is strong and successful but also vulnerable and, at times, less than smart. I love the complexity of the character.

Second, I love, love, LOVE Mara Brock Akil, the series creator. For those who don’t know, she also created Girlfriends and The Game. Girlfriends was everything to me. It was the black LA answer to Sex and the City. I watched the first three seasons of The Game, all that Netflix has to this day, but wasn’t as big a fan of it as Girlfriends. I love that her shows are about successful black men and women and she weaves in discussions about race and other important social issues in all of her shows.

Third, the show inspires me, just as Girlfriends inspired me. When Mary Jane is helping her niece to eat better and lose weight, it made me think more about the food I put into my body. Seeing Mary Jane bust her ass for her job and her career makes me want to give my all to my writing and the pursuit of my career.

Now, Mary Jane is a bit messy; too messy for some people, but it just makes me love her even more. Even the most put together people, even the most successful, have shit to deal with in their lives. Everyone has issues. It is all about how we work through them.

Dead Or Alive Xtreme 3

I platinumed the game the other day. It was one of the easier platinums, though rather tedious and repetitive. I love the Dead or Alive Xtreme series. I don’t know if it is because I’m gay or what, but I absolutely love buying the different swimsuits and seeing how they look on different girls.

I started as a fan of Dead Or Alive on PS2 with Dead or Alive 2: Hardcore. I’m a huge fan of fighting games and I loved the graphics. I’m also, more or less, a Sony fanboy. I was devastated to learn DOA 3 would be exclusive to Microsoft’s new Xbox. So, I purchased one.

By the time I bought one, Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball had been released. I remember my mom was so hesitant to buy it for me (I was maybe 15 or 16 at the time, so I couldn’t buy it myself due to the M rating). I still love the song “How Crazy Are You?” by Meja because of the intro to the first two games. I felt so accomplished when I got ever girl the Venus costume. See, in the first two games, instead of rejecting your gift, as they do in the third, they would just throw it away, and obtaining money took more effort back then.

While playing the third game in the Xtreme series, something hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember there was a lot of controversy about the game. Now, the Dead or Alive series is known for its controversy due to the way the female characters look and dress. There was a lot of fun made over the physics of the second game where the individual breasts had their own creepy movements. Even when the girls stopped moving, their breasts kept going.

This time, the controversy was over not bringing the game stateside. There was some odd statement about how it was due to the issues of sexism in video games going on stateside. But the real reason, at least in my opinion, is the same reason they bumped up the girls ages from 16 to 18 for the stateside releases of the games… It looks a little too much like child pornography for our Western taste.

I remember playing as Marie Rose and thinking, this just looks and feels wrong. There is no way this girl is 18. She is so much smaller than the other girls. It doesn’t help that in anime, even grown adult women tend to have child like tendencies. It just felt wrong to have her in swimsuits other than her own. For the most part, the ones you could purchase as her (as the girls have different collections) were very sweet and innocent. Most of the other characters… not so much.

So, her outfits look weird on the other girls, who are… fully developed, to say the least, and their outfits looks wrong on her because they are skimpy and sexy and she looks so young and childlike. It would have never gone over well stateside. And for good reason. After playing as her to get the trophies I needed to get playing as her, I haven’t used her since because it makes me feel creepy, especially when there are missions where you have to take voyeuristic photos of the girls.

If there were ever to be a release outside Japan and Asia, which I highly doubt at this point, I don’t see how they would do it without completely removing her from the game. Though, in all honesty, I’m not sure why she’s in the Xtreme series game in the first place rather than Lisa, Lefang, Tina and/or Christie.

Final Fantasy XII The Zodiac Age

The time has finally come! I found out around 2am (PST) and I literally gasped and repeated “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” until I could confirm it was true.

It all started with a simple trip down memory lane thanks to Facebook’s “On this Day,” feature. On this day, two years ago, I posted a link to an article about a rumor of FF XII HD possibly being announced at 2014’s E3. I’ve been patiently, well, patiently may not be the best word, waiting for this since I heard of the FF X HD remake (which I own for PS3 and PS4 now). I remember reading somewhere that Square Enix said they’d remake FF XII if FF X/X-2 sold well.

So, I saw that post this morning and commented that I’m still waiting. For years, I’ve randomly googled “Final Fantasy XII HD” hoping for an update with no luck. Something told me to check this morning and I gasped when I saw the announced had been made a few minutes before I searched.

Not only are we getting a remake, but we get the international version.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t the hugest fan of this game’s story, but I loved playing the game. It felt like playing a MMO offline. It was also one of my first purchases when I moved to Arizona.

The last time I played it was years ago. At the time, I had a 60gb PS3, so I could still play PS2 games. I had started a new game and was maybe halfway when my PS3 died. I couldn’t find another 60gb, so I had to buy a new slim model. I’m excited at the chance to finally beat the game.