First, I’d like to say it’s CRAZY to me that I didn’t write a SINGLE post last year. People are still viewing my posts, I’m not sure why, but thank you… and I’m going to try to be more consistent this year.

As I said in my last post… from 2023… I try not to post too much about myself online. I have a journal for that. But, I’ll tell you some things you can easily glean from my Instagram.

Last year was a year of change for me. I went out of the country for the first time ever. There was a time in my life when I thought traveling to new places wasn’t in the cards for me (someone who was born in Connecticut and lives in California and took road trips as a child all the time.) I suppose I thought it was an expense I would never be able to afford, but I did it, and it was an amazing trip.

Before my trip out of the country, I went to Puerto Vallarta, I went to Palm Springs and celebrated two friends getting married. It’s very rare that I attend a wedding. I think I’ve been to four in my lifetime, with two of them being before I was 18 (one as a child and one at 17) and then two in the past two years or so. I tend to be (or think I tend to be) stoic. My emotions and feelings tend to be held close to the chest, but I do enjoy a wedding. Seeing two people stand in front of the people they love and profess their love for each other. That’s beautiful and reminds me of how obsessed I was with romcoms and true love and all that jazz as a child. But also, as a child, I told myself, those things weren’t for me, because I was also well aware I was gay.

That being said, the last two weddings were gay weddings, so maybe it’ll happen for me someday.

I also went to NYC this year. That was such a great trip and made me feel close to home. As I said earlier, I’m from Connecticut, and I haven’t been that close to home since I was maybe 16, I think?

I also moved out on my own. I’ve always had roommates, and I told myself with my ex-roommate that once we parted ways, I was going to live on my own. We didn’t end on bad terms, he and his boyfriend got a place together, and I had just happened to find this cute studio for myself, so we ended up telling each other at the same time that we were moving out. It’s been so interesting living on my own (it’s only been a little over a month). It can be a bit quiet and lonely sometimes, but I like being in control.

The main thing about having a roommate that bothered me was the fact that they could at any moment decide they were going to leave and that could completely uproot my life.

While this studio is cute and will do for now, I already know my next place needs to be at least a one-bedroom. I want a bigger divide between my sleeping space and my gaming/working/watching shows and movies space… but that’s all in due time.

I saw a few films in theaters this year. That thought is really what prompted me to write, and at some point, I’ll devote a post to the content I’ve been watching, but I think I can give a bit of a preview.

If you don’t know, I went to school for screenwriting. That’s why I made the move to Los Angeles. However, I can’t remember the last time I wrote a script. I got swept up in the surviving LA parts and didn’t have time to write, and now that I’m surviving and have free time to write, I feel it’s been too long and I can’t do it anymore. So, now my fear of not being good enough keeps me from writing… and I’m well aware that if I want to be good enough I need to practice writing…

The Golden Globes were on tonight, and though I don’t devote too much time or attention to award shows, I must admit they can be so inspiring. I remember watching the Oscars and seeing Everything Everywhere All At Once winning everything and how moved I was by the speeches.

Tonight, I was moved by Demi Moore’s speech. I wasn’t aware it was her first award as an actress until she said it. I just assumed she won for something. She’s forever my queen because of her role as Madison Lee in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, and that was the main reason I wanted to see The Substance. I LOVED that film. I saw it twice in theaters (the first time, by myself, and the second time with a friend) and I’ll make a post about it later, but her speech spoke to me.

I don’t know if you, my gentle reader, are religious or not. I’m not a religious person. Not a big fan of organized religion, but that’s a story for another day. Though I’m not religious, I do like to think there’s a higher power of some sort. Maybe not a “God” per se. I like to refer to it as The Universe, as cliche as that may sound. And I believe the Universe likes to whisper to us, and if we don’t get it, it shouts.

I’ve been getting whispers lately…

It started maybe a week or so ago. See, I bought a new TV. My last one was from 2016. This one is from 2024… and bigger. I fell in love with it immediately. One of my favorite things is it doesn’t have a glare like my old one would. Anyway, since it is new and shiny, and my best friend from college turned me into a videophile, the FIRST thing I wanted to do, aside from play video games on it, was watch 4k films on it and see how it compared to my old TV.

The first film I watched on it was Black Widow. See, I’m a very superstitious person, so I’m VERY particular about the first things I do in a new apartment (usually burn a sage candle these days, so LA, I know), the first game I play on a new console AND the first thing I watch on a new TV.

I love Black Widow. It’s easily my favorite MCU film, so it was the perfect candidate. But then, I wanted to watch other MCU films. I didn’t want to go through them all (the Thor films never did much for me), but I went through the Avenger films, and then the Captain America Civil War one. The more I watched, the more my mind started to think of ideas.

It’s been SO long since I’ve had a script brainstorming session, and the past week or so, my mind hasn’t stopped thinking of ideas. It’s thinking of new ideas and thinking of ways to tinker with old ones.

When I was a kid, I loved a puzzle, and I liken screenwriting to a puzzle you have to solve. And I can watch something and think of how the solutions in that could possibly be solutions to issues with my scripts.

Now to bring it full circle…

In college, I remember a time when we had to introduce ourselves in screenwriting class. I was already self-conscious because I was like 24 -25, and these were 18 – 19-year-olds (not that that’s a big age difference, but it felt like it to me) and these kids were naming these classics as their favorite films. When it got to me, I said my current favorites were Scott Pilgrim Vs The World and Sucker Punch. I explained how I love a film set in a hyperrealistic world. And I remember some giggles and even the professor saying something along the lines of “Hopefully, you’ll be able to write better films than those.” (No hate for that professor, as he was one of my favorites.)

I needed to realize, and to be honest, I’m still in the process of realizing, that I’m probably not going to win awards for the writing I want to write. I want to write action, horror and sci-fi. I want to write MCU-type films, and those aren’t getting Oscars (at least not now).

Demi’s speech felt like she was talking to me. Telling me that I don’t need an award or accolades to do the thing I love.

There was a time in my life when you’d always find me writing, be it at home, at work or at school. Now I’m afraid to write.

It all became TOO real when I moved to Los Angeles. It was like, shit, I’m REALLY doing this… and I stopped in my tracks.

I want 2025 to be the year of writing for me. I have posts floating in my head. I honestly was going to just write about The Substance or maybe even All Of Us Strangers, but I felt compelled to gab a bit since I didn’t post all last year.

Anyway, I say all that to say, I plan to post a lot more this year, and I plan to work on scripts too. It feels so good to have my mind tinkering with writing ideas again. It feels like reuniting with an old friend.

Writing about my life (at least publicly) hasn’t really been something I’ve done in many years. Sure I’ll sprinkle some stuff in when writing about a show or film, but that tends to be the extent. This won’t be super personal, but I always reflect on the year on December 31st, as I’m sure many do.

It’s been a great year. I started working out again (I’ve been inconsistent, but Rome wasn’t built in a day.) I got a promotion, and then at the end of the year I got a raise (so in a little over a year I got a raise, got promoted, and then got another raise.) I moved, which was something I wanted to do for a LONG time. To make a long story short I had to get away from a friendship that wasn’t good for me… and that devastated me, and I’d be lying if I were to say I’m over it now, but I’m in a better place that I was, and that’s the most important part.

Something I’m really proud of is writing again. If you don’t know, the reason I moved to LA is to be a screenwriter. While I didn’t write a script, I have been getting some writing in by writing these blogs. I hope someone found some joy in them, even my bullet point-styled RHOC ones. I’ve always loved the arts, they give me a sense of peace I can find anywhere else. I find peace listening to music. I find it drawing. I find it writing. I find it watching a show or film for the first time. So, I’m going to focus on that going into 2024.

I have this Law of Attraction planner, and I’ve bought one every year since 2017 or 2018. I mostly use it for financial stuff (marking when X is due, how much, and what I’m doing w/ my paycheck.) but it has some good positive thinking stuff I like. For instance, one of the things you’re supposed to do is make a list of 50 goals you have. They don’t have to be accomplished in a year, and they can be as little or small as you want. Once you have that list, the next page asks you to focus on 5 things. Those are the 5 you’ll set to do in the year, so anything else you’ll ignore until those are done. (I’m not the best at this part… but I do like seeing how my 50 goals change from year to year because even though some weren’t on my top 5, they just ended up happening. For instance, I’ve been saying I’m going to get a passport for YEARS, even before I moved to LA, which was almost 8 years ago… and I FINALLY did it this year. Another was being promoted.) It’s a nice feeling to have to add new goals because the ones from last year were already done.

Next year, one of my goals is to write more often. Write here. Write scripts. It’s time to get back to the reason I moved here. It’s been hard to find the motivation to write. Part of me thinks I’m just exhausted from the years of working so hard just to survive here. The first few years weren’t easy. I didn’t really become comfortable, financially until about two years ago. (I’m in NO way saying I’m rich, but I can pay my bills, go to brunch, and put some money in savings, so I’m grateful for that because that wasn’t always the case before, and for it to be the case before, I had a part-time job supplementing my full-time one. Now, I’m surviving off one job for the first time in LA.) All that time was spent working, and now that I don’t have a second job to immediately run to, or work on the weekends, I just want to do… nothing, or play video games, or watch shows/films, or go out with my friends. But I want to make time to write and treat it almost like a second job. It will do me some good to get back into the habit.

Even though it is an oddly cloudly day here in LA, I’m feeling hopeful and optimistic for the coming year. At some point, maybe later today, or later this week, or next week if you consider the week to start on Monday rather than Sunday, I’ll write some posts for the recent films I watched, Age of Adeline, Saltburn, and All of Us Strangers. If I don’t post before midnight, wishing you a safe and happy New Year. Thanks for reading!

I’ll preface this by saying one of my favorite gay films (I hate the term gay film, but it will have to do for now) is Latter Days. I was maybe 19 or 20 (so this was 2007 or 2008) when I watched it for the first time. As I imagine most gay people were doing around this time, if not earlier, I was really in a process of questioning my sexuality (though looking back, I always knew, but explained it all away in my head… more on that later.) My awakening really started in 2006, as a fresh 18-year-old who just moved to Phoenix, Arizona to go to college.

My school had school-sponsored housing, which was a fancy way of saying, you’re going to live in an apartment (because we don’t have dorms), but you’re going to live under dorm rules. They had an area of the site where you could pick roommates. The apartment would be 4 people total, two to a room. I picked 2 of my roommates, as we chatted and really got along. (I also ended up meeting a dear friend this way. He was looking for a roommate, but at the time he only needed one person, and I was already paired up…though eventually we’d live together, but that’s a story for another time.) The third one was picked randomly, and he ended up being the one I shared a room with. His name was Ron, and he was a bisexual military brat. And no, this isn’t like one of those gay porn videos, we never hooked up or anything, he was just the first person I was able to be open and honest with about my feelings. He introduced me to a lot of stuff, one being Queer As Folk.

Fast forward a year or so, and I’m watching any gay theme film I can get my hands on, and I stumble across Latter Days. Long story less long, it’s about a Mormon guy who ends up falling in love with another guy while he’s in Los Angeles. He’s sent home when it’s discovered, and the LA guy (I don’t remember the name of the characters, and I’m too lazy to look it up) thinks he died. Towards the end of the film, you learn he isn’t dead, though he did try to commit suicide… he’s at a conversion camp. Anyway, he makes his way back to LA and they are reunited by chance (earlier in the film, he confronts a grieving woman, and he runs into her when he comes back. She is also the owner of the restaurant where the LA guy works, so she invites him for dinner, and the two are reunited.) The ending made me cry like a baby.

Not to make this super personal, but I grew up in a religious home. We went to church on Sundays. Did Bible studies. It’s weird because I grew up being taught that homosexuality was bad, but I also grew up around gay people and they weren’t treated any different from anyone else, so I kinda adapted this idea that it was ok for others to be gay, but not me. I told myself, if I wanted to fall in love someday, get married, and have the house and white picket fence, I couldn’t do that as a gay man, and the reason I broke down crying when I first saw the film was because that was the first time I had the thought that I could still have those things. So, I say all that to say I really relate to gay-themed films that deal with the characters questioning their faith and their homosexuality, and I tend to find that in Mormon-themed films.

Now, let’s FINALLY get to The Falls (SPOILERS AHEAD). I decided to watch it because it was on my Prime Video watchlist, and I didn’t have anything better to do at the time. Plus, the day before, I’d watched Saltburn, so I was in a LGBTIA film kinda mood. In this film, two missionaries, RJ and Chris, meet while preparing for their mission, with Chris being RJ’s mentor. However, Chris starts slacking off on their duties, so RJ does the same. (Also, a small hint of what’s to come was Chris getting jealous when RJ was talking to a girl). They end up spending time with a veteran named Rodney and he further has them questioning things. One thing leads to another and they kiss and… do other stuff (which I thought was FAST), and later they discuss when they knew they were gay, as this clearly wasn’t the first time either had been with a man, b/c they jumped right from kissing to oral.

Naturally, they are discovered and both sent back home. RJ has a conversation with his dad when he gets back, and his dad tells him a story he “heard” of a man who struggled like RJ, but when he came back from his mission, he met a girl, got married, had kids, and never looked back. I couldn’t tell at the time if he was talking about himself or someone else… though in a later film (it’s a trilogy!) it is pretty much confirmed when RJ asks him about the man in the story, that the man is his dad… which is really sad when you think about it.

Anyway, the film ends with RJ driving and it’s strongly implied he is on his way to see Chris, as the camera pans to a letter from Chris that’s above his map. I sat there and thought, I wanna know what happens next… only for Prime Video to suggest the next film. And then I saw another film, so I knew there were at least three of them. Mind you, it was about 10p at the time, on Christmas eve, but I decided to go ahead and watch the other two anyway.

The second film is called The Falls: Testament of Love and it takes place five years after the first one. It starts with RJ briefly recapping what happened in the first film and tells us a bit of what happened after. He and Chris go on a road trip together and are in love. However, they both have to go back to their hometowns to tie up loose ends, but they are supposed to come back together… but RJ doesn’t hear from Chris again.

Normally, it is said a sequel will be worse than the original, but I enjoyed this one more than the first. I will say there was one thing that bothered me about this film and the third, which was some characters seeming to regress, and it didn’t feel natural, it felt like it was done for the sake of conflict. Doesn’t make me like the film less, it was just something I noticed.

Anyway, RJ is living in Seattle. He has this scruffy (hot) look compared to his clean-shaven appearance in the first one. And he has a man! Loved that journey for him. Chris is in Utah, and he has a daughter… and a WIFE! Didn’t love that journey for him.

The two are reunited because they learn of the death of their friend Rodney (the vet from the first film). They spent a lot of time with him and he was the first person they told of their relationship and he was accepting. He meant a lot to them, so they go to his funeral. This is their first time seeing each other in four or five years. Chris is EXTREMELY distant. RJ wants some answers, as he wrote to Chris all the time and never got a response. They chat briefly, but Chris isn’t entertaining the idea of talking about their past. However, he lets his emotions out when he gets into his hotel room.

They return to their homes, but RJ can’t get Chris out of his head. He breaks up with his boyfriend and heads to Salt Lake City. Chris is having dinner with her wife, Emily, and daughter, Kaylee, when there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and there’s RJ. To say he was pissed would be an understatement. But Emily comes outside, so he can’t say or do too much. She invites RJ to dinner and then lets him stay the night since he hasn’t anywhere to stay. She shows him to his room and as he is settling in for the night, a note slides under his door. It’s from Chris telling him to meet in the morning.

They do, and it isn’t good. Chris is PISSED… but also he’s regressed in a way that didn’t feel natural (to me) for the character. He says what they did was wrong and they weren’t going to heaven, and he hopes RJ can come back to God. Stuff like that. Here’s why it doesn’t make sense to me. Sure, one of them had to do it for the sequel to be needed and make sense, but I would have thought it would be RJ. We know more about his family and what he has to lose, we know nothing about Chris, other than his relationship with RJ, until this film. (Which was interesting because RJ was clearly the main character in the first film, but in this one, it shifts to Chris, with the third one being more balanced between the two.)

I guess I would have liked the film to include what happened with Chris during the gap between the movies (although I do believe he mentions going to a conversion camp… Ugh, I should have written this on Christmas Day when it was all fresh in my mind.) He was the one who pursued RJ and initiated their sexual relationship, so it was just weird to me to see him have this 180. And he was so MEAN to RJ. He realizes this because they meet again and he apologizes.

He ends up sleeping with RJ, and I first I thought RJ wasn’t going to do it, because… this is a married ass man, but he went along with it. And this is what really made me love the film, the conflict of wanting RJ and Chris together, but thinking how unfair this is to Emily.

Eventually, Emily finds out and confronts Chris, and kudos to the actress because I LOVED Emily. Even in her betrayal, she is still willing to overlook it and take him back if he doesn’t let it happen again, and if not, he needs to tell his family.

So, I don’t know much about the church, but Chris’s dad is a high ranking official (for lack of a better term). Not many people know what happened between Chris and RJ when they were on their mission (or preparing for their mission) and I assume his dad had a hand in that.

This next part made no sense to me, not from a film perspective, but from a what was Chris thinking perspective. He invites his family over, and invites RJ over. Emily is crying because she knows what this means, his dad knows what this means, because he knows how RJ is (I assume his mom knows via his dad), and his sister and brother are confused. Super uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable and it’s not real and I wasn’t there…

He tells his family he is gay and he’s in love with RJ. Chaos ensues. RJ wants to leave (mind you, he wanted to leave the moment he got there and saw Chris’s family.) but Chris tells him to stay. His sister doesn’t care. She kinda suspected and just wants Emily and Chris to be happy. His brother is pissed and wants to fight RJ. His dad is confused because he thought they “fixed” Chris. Finally, Emily (I think) screams at RJ to get out of her house… (which she had told him to leave before, so I was unsure why he left this time.)

There is a big moment during Chris’s parents’ anniversary dinner where RJ comes in and kisses Chris and leaves. (Chris’s dad told him he had to tell the whole family he was gay, and since the whole family was there, RJ said he saved him hundreds in stamps.)

This film ends with Emily dropping Kaylee off to Chris. He has his own place, and the camera pans to a book written by RJ on the table and on top of it is a plane ticket to Seattle.

Then the finale, The Falls: Covenant of Grace. I didn’t like this one as much as the first two, but I didn’t hate it. Let’s get into it. This film takes place a year after the second one (so six years after the first.) Something I immediately noticed about this film was the cinematography looked different. I know it is mostly set in Seattle, but everything looked really washed out. Another thing I noticed was the actors got skinny! Not that either was fat, they just both looked like than ran a lot in this one (mind you, there were no cast replacements, everyone in the series is played by the actor who started the role, which I loved.)

Chris is coming to see RJ in Seattle. They are a little awkward at first, but quickly loosen up. Chris gets to meet his friends, including one named Ryan. I didn’t like Ryan IMMEDIATELY. It was clear that he liked RJ, and Chris could tell this too. Later he asks if RJ and Ryan ever did anything and RJ says no… I wasn’t sure I believed it at the time, but I also think RJ didn’t want to think about the fact that Ryan liked him.

While there, Chris and RJ learn of a new rule in the Mormon church saying children of same-sex couples can’t be baptized within the church. So, let me go back for a moment. Throughout this series, both have still had their faith, despite being gay. It is at this point that RJ wants to turn his back on the church, as this would have implications for their being together because of Kaylee, Chris’s daughter.

Chris goes home, and shortly after RJ finds out Chris’s mom has passed away. He comes to Salt Lake City to be with Chris in his time of need. Also, something to note, in the previous film, Chris’s dad called RJ’s dad to… get RJ to leave Salt Lake City… I guess? This doesn’t work because RJ’s dad has accepted his son as he is… and in the previous film, there is also a moment where Chris’s dad accepts his son as he is.

So, here’s another regression. RJ and his dad go to the funeral, and they have dinner with Chris, his dad, and his brother (I don’t know why his brother was there since his sister wasn’t at the dinner, but whatever…) And Chris’s dad is going on about how homosexuality is a sin, yada yada yada. It’s confusing and jarring because he was accepting at the end of the previous film and now he’s back to the person he was when he was first introduced to the series.

I don’t remember as much of this one, probably because I started it at like midnight. But I assume something happens that can break Chris and RJ up, because I remember RJ being at a club… with FUCKING Ryan, and they are dancing close and I HATED it. A bit about Ryan before we continue. Like Chris and RJ, he was on a missionary trip and fell in love with his companion. They didn’t even get to do anything more than hold hands and were sent home and hadn’t talked since. He came to Seattle on his own, with no friends or family, so RJ took him under his wing.

In hindsight, Ryan’s “lust” for RJ probably had less to do with actual attraction to him and more to do with loneliness and this being the first openly gay guy he knew.

So, they get back to RJ’s, and they are taking shots and RJ is on the couch. Next thing you know, they are making out, and then Ryan has undone RJ’s pants and he is… doing his thing. Sidenote, what is it about RJ that makes me IMMEDIATELY go from kissing him to giving him head, because Chris did the same thing in the first film (and I assume this was a reference to that.)

RJ doesn’t let this go on too long before he stops Ryan. Ryan is confused and asks if RJ finds him attractive. He says yes, but they can’t do anything, because he loves him and sex would ruin the friendship. Ryan is hurt and feels unwanted. Somehow, they end up talking about Ryan’s mission companion, and RJ encourages him to call the guy. He does and the guy (I don’t remember his name) answers. He’s shocked and they have a bit of small talk as RJ retreats to his room. They are both crying, they miss each other. They LOVE each other. Ryan decides he’s going to come back home. I felt COMPLETELY different about Ryan as a character by that point. He was just a lost kid who lost the man he loved and was trying to fill that void with the first gay man who was nice to him…

Chris ends up coming back to Seattle and he proposes to RJ. RJ’s dad already gave Chris his blessing, and Chris’s dad is ok with it again. (Side note, the actor who played Chris’s dad was ALSO hot and working out… I was just like, did they force these men to get into shape? I’m not mad at it, but curious.)

This is all over the place, because I watched them too close together, but at some point, I assume before or after the funeral, RJ and his dad are in the motel, and they talk about the story his dad told him in the first one, the one of the guy he heard about who had a gay encounter but met a woman, had kids and settled down. Rj asks his dad how that man is doing now, and his dad starts to tear up and tells him (though it took him a moment to say), he is fine. RJ kisses his dad on the cheek, and that’s when I knew for sure the man in the story was his dad. It’s sad because I couldn’t help but think he must wonder how his life could have been. I’m sure he was happy for his life, for his kids, but to keep himself from getting to experience the love he wanted…

The film ends with RJ and Chris getting married in (what I presume to be) a Mormon church/ceremony. Their friends and family are there. Hell, even Chris’s brother is there, though he’s standing in the doorway rather than sitting with everyone else. RJ moves to Salt Lake City and all is right with the world…

Then…

It cuts to Ryan driving. And the camera pans to the passenger side, and you see a photo, a letter, and an envelope that has an address. (Sidenote, I was SHOCKED to see the guy he was in love with was black, just because the Mormon church is so white, and the film was so white, it was just unexpected.) I LOVED this ending so much because it harkens back to the end of the first film when RJ is driving to reunite with Chris… and now I want a new trilogy with Ryan… the character I started hating, but I don’t think one is coming, and I like to think he and his man had a happy ending just like Chris and RJ.

And if you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed it. I really enjoyed the series, and I think this is the first time I’ve seen a continuation of a story for gay characters, that wasn’t in a TV series.