Deadpool

The film has been out for a little over two years and I finally got around to watching it. I don’t know what kept me from watching it sooner. Originally, I wanted to see it in theaters, but I moved to LA the weekend it came out and didn’t really know anyone to see it with. Then I bought it on blu ray when I was in San Diego in July of last year, and just never was in the mood to watch it.

I’d heard nothing but great things about it and I can’t say I was disappointed. It was a fantastic film. I loved the humor and though some critics felt it was formulaic, I felt it was a refreshing take on the superhero genre.

The thing that made me want to watch the film the most was a Tumblr post praising the film for having Deadpool’s love interest be a sex worker who wasn’t a damsel in distress. Though I’d have to argue the damsel in distress bit, as though she attempts to fend for herself, Deadpool still needs to save her, I wish it were more implied that she remained an escort upon starting her relationship with Deadpool, as I thought that was a really cool aspect of Vanessa. Also, the moment I saw her with long hair, I instantly thought of Inara from Firefly/Serenity and it was the same actress, which made me very happy. One reason being that Inara was a companion, which is a fancy term for sex worker, and it was considered a very high status line of work.

Ryan Reynolds is perfect as Deadpool. I can’t even try to think of someone else I could see playing the character and he’s such a beautiful man. I think I’ve had a crush on him since Blade Trinity, in fact, I don’t think, I know (I also developed a crush on Jessica Biel in that film, they were fucking ripped!) Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively are the perfect couple in my eyes, I envy them both.

Normally, I’m not a fan of breaking the fourth wall, but I’m aware Deadpool is known for this and I found it hilarious that the writers poked fun at the X-Men universe, and even Reynolds himself.

I watched Deadpool and Logan this evening, keeping with the Marvel theme. In hindsight, I wish I’d stopped after Deadpool as Logan had a more somber tone and I don’t think I appreciated it as much after the lightheartedness of Deadpool. I did appreciate that both films included young mutant female characters who weren’t sexualized and I’m very excited to see Deadpool 2 and am hoping for a X-23 spinoff.

I Know Who Killed Me

I remember seeing I Know Who Killed Me in theaters. At the time I worked for a market research company, so I’d see lots of trailers, many times, long before the films were in theaters. Upon seeing the first trailer, I was curious to see how it would play out.

I really enjoy the film, which makes me question myself as a potential screenwriter (and I told myself I’d doubt myself less…) I like some movies that did well with critics, but a lot of the movies I like didn’t, does that mean I’ll be destined to write movies people don’t enjoy? I hope not.

One thing I’ve learned, is a writer tends to have a particular theme that is found throughout their portfolio. I think I have found mine, despite only writing two scripts (and those are both rough drafts, only viewed by my professor and I). I am obsessed with the concept of the shadow self. A lot of my favorite films and shows deal with this concept in one way or another (Buffy being the main one with Buffy and Faith.)

For those who don’t know, the film is about a girl named Aubrey who is kidnapped and tortured (she loses an arm and a leg.) She is found and suddenly doesn’t remember her life as Aubrey, she is now Dakota. Dakota is the shadow self. Whereas Aubrey has lived a privileged life, Aubrey grew up with a mother addicted to crack. The film is spent finding the person who attacked Aubrey and trying to find out if Aubrey and Dakota are two personalities within the same person, or actually two different people, identical twin sisters.

I also really enjoy the use of reds and blues in this film. It was one of my first blu rays. I think the first one I bought for myself was Cruel Intentions, but I Know Who Killed Me and RENT were giving to me as Christmas presents in 2007 by a dear friend. He bought them for me as I purchased a PS3 for myself as a Christmas present that year, which is also part of the reason I enjoy the films so much.

I remember the reds and blues popping so vividly on blu ray. Also, the blue represents Aubrey and the red represents Dakota, which I really liked. The blue is more calm and collected, like the proper Aubrey, whereas red is usually fiery and passionate, like the more wild and carefree Dakota.

Could it have been a better film? Sure. But I liked it for what it was. I wish it had played more with the idea of are they twins or split personalities, as rather early in the introduction of Dakota, it is cemented what is the case. I also really liked that it came about from the idea of twin stigmata, which is essentially twins being so connected that they can feel the pain of each other (spoiler alter, they are twins. lol)

I decided to watch it on a whim tonight, as I was seeking inspiration for a second draft of my first script. I’m glad I did, but tonight is when I realized the theme for my writing is the shadow self. The script I’m rewriting is about a woman who doesn’t realize she has a shadow self, and that shadow self comes from her guilt over a crime she committed and its sole purpose is to punish her and those involved.

Now I’m searching through Rotten Tomatoes, as I find myself doing more and more these days. If I like a movie that people don’t like, I want to be able to dissect why I liked it and why people didn’t. I don’t plan to be a writer of anything Oscar worthy, but I want to write things I enjoy writing and that people would enjoy readings (script wise) and seeing on screen.

Looking

So, I’m realizing these are less reviews and more how these shows/films/video games/books made me feel, and I’m just going to stick with it.

A friend and I watched Looking back when it first aired. We’d meet up once a week at his place, watch the episode and then discuss. I LOVED the first season. The series really spoke to me for a few reasons. First, the series that really helped me on my journey to coming out was Queer As Folk (US), and I’ll likely re-watch it in the near future and write something about it. Looking reminded me a lot of QAF and made me feel how I felt when I watched QAF (more on that in a bit.) Second, I had set my plan to move to Los Angeles, and seeing gays living in a big city in California resonated with me.

The second season, I still loved the show, but I was really upset with the characters, especially Patrick. Patrick is the one I identify with the most, though I feel far removed from any of the characters, also Jonathan Groff is adorably hot (which I feel is a rare find, being adorable and hot at the same time.) With QAF, I identified most with Michael, and he is the Michael, in my opinion, of the series. I loved him and Richie, and I hated him and Kevin.

Going through the series a second time, I feel a bit differently. I still love Patrick/Richie and hate Patrick/Kevin, but I could understand Patrick’s decisions a bit more. I don’t know if having been in Los Angeles almost two years (officially two years in 16 days… how crazy) made me think differently about things (or how it would.) I finally watched the film too. I just finished watching it, and it moved me so much.

When I would critique the series, up to about yesterday, actually, I would say the thing that bugged me about the characters was they were making mistakes I felt people in their early 20s would make, not people in their late 20s and 30s. Yet, I feel completely different about it now. The mistakes they were making were relationship mistakes, and those have no age limit. Though I think Patrick shouldn’t have been a homewrecker.

I remember being more critical of the show when it first aired, and I think my friend still has this opinion, because it shows a very promiscuous and drug-friendly side of the community that I couldn’t relate to, though I was happy it had more diversity than I saw in QAF. However, I started watching before I took my LGBTV (LGBT Television) course and learned that minorities tend to be more critical (and if I’m anything, I’m critical) of portrayals they see in media, as there is less representation. Example: You can see a junkie who is white in a show/film, and that can be the only junkie, and most people will not have a problem. However, if you have one black character in a show/film and they are a junkie, that is problematic.

So, I have less issue with the sex and the drugs than I did before, because though that is not my experience, I know that is the experience of gay men out there. If you don’t believe me, by all means hit up The Chapel on a Sunday night, the dance floor is like a mini circuit party.

The movie makes me wish I’d done more to support the show so it would have continued. I don’t know what I could have done, maybe watched it more, posted more about it, I could have written this two, three years ago?

My friend felt all the characters, except Richie and Doris, were terrible people. I agree less now. I think now that they were just navigating through life, and it isn’t always going to be right or even remotely perfect.

Now onto how it made me feel. I remember the first time I watched Latter Days, I was 20 and somehow stumbled upon it in my quest to find more gay cinema. I cried like a baby at the end. It was a touching moment, but for me, it was the moment when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, and I finally admitted to myself that one day I wanted to be in love. Watching shows like QAF and Looking remind me of that.

The end of the film made me so happy (I won’t spoil it, in case you, like me, didn’t watch it when it originally came out,) and it reminded me of that longing I have. I’m aware I stand in my own way though (when you want to be a writer, you kind of have to be self-aware). I keep people at a distant, and those who get too close I push away, so I still have some learning and growing to do, work out my inner demons and childhood traumas and such.

I feel like a cliché sometimes. It’s crazy, because even before I was out or would admit to myself that I was gay, I’d have this fantasy, and it would recur all the time. I lived in this apartment that had a front porch and a guy would walk me to my door after some date (the fantasy never included the actual date) and he’d kiss me goodnight. I was 18, and I’m 29 now (I’ll be 30 in seven months) and it has yet to happen… and now I don’t even have a damn front porch…

I feel like an anomaly among my gay friends. I don’t hook up. The last (official) date I can remember being on happened back in… 2013 or 2014… I think? Which is why I don’t relate to the characters in many gay films/shows (not that I’m actively seeking to change any of this.) I’ve been told many times throughout my life that I’m an old soul. From a young age, even before I knew I was gay, I knew what I wanted.

I don’t just want a boyfriend, I want a boyfriend that will become a husband. I want monogamy, the house, the kids, the whole nine yards, just that hetreonormative life, I suppose, and maybe I shouldn’t want it, but I do. I don’t judge anyone living differently, and I’m not saving myself for marriage or anything. I just, I don’t know, I find sex to be very intimate, so I’m not good at trying to do it casually, and part of me, which some may find very stupid, is saving myself for a relationship. I obviously can’t expect a future boyfriend/partner to do the same for me, but I find something about it to be rather romantic on my part.

I’m aware of the whole love yourself before you love somebody else thing, and I’m still working on the first part, so I’m in no rush to find someone or for someone to find me. But scenes in the show and the film pulled at my heartstrings. I couldn’t help but think, oh, that would be nice when I’d see the flirting, the hand holding, the relationship in bloom. So. Freaking. Charming.

This was definitely a series that was gone way before its time.

Moonlight

I bought Moonlight and La La Land at the same time, about a week or so before Christmas. I liked the irony, so I watched them both last night, Moonlight before La La Land. Moonlight will always have a special place in my heart. The film means so much to me, more than I’ll likely ever be able to express with words.

I don’t plan to get too personal here, but I don’t plan these, I just write my thoughts as they come to me, so we’ll see what happens.

I saw SO much of myself in Chiron when he was growing up. Typically, you have about 5 – 10 mins to get your audience to emotionally become the protagonist of your film. That happened for me once I saw the damn trailer.

People who know me may or may not know this, but I’m an incredibly shy person (and I think I have a lot of anxiety over really stupid things most people probably don’t give a second thought too). I don’t want to make this a therapy session, I want to focus on the film, but the film made me so emotional because it made me reflect on my life.

I think a lot of the times, we forget that parents are human too. I’ve been reading and studying a lot about screenwriting lately, and one thing I read was everyone has a core wound, and that wound is typically give to you by your parents. One can assume that Chiron’s shyness came from insecurity, likely due to bullying, not understanding why he was “different” and his mom’s mood swings due to her drug use.

I was never really bullied, but my shyness came from my insecurities. I was the black sheep of my family in ever way. I was gay (in hindsight), I was the only boy, and according to my family, I “acted white”. So, growing up, I often kept to myself, especially if it had anything to do with my interests, as I learned at home, being open and honest about my interests typically lead to ridicule and criticism, and in some ways, I never let that go.

In Chiron, I see what could have become my life had I not had positive outside influences, and I saw ways in which I still hold myself back.

So… back to the film. I LOVED his relationship with Blue. It pulled at my heartstrings, perhaps because I would have liked such a relationship with my father (or a father figure) while growing up. Blue didn’t judge and was there when Chiron seemingly had no one else to turn to. The scene where they are discussing what faggot means was so touching (I loved Theresa too). When Chiron puts two and two together, realizing his mom uses drugs and Blue sells drugs, and leaves while Blue sits there trying to keep from crying, that scene broke me. For Blue to care so much about Chiron’s opinion of him, and his own guilt, it was so heartbreaking.

If I had to pick a section of the film I least related to, it would be ii. Chiron. I love the film, but it just wasn’t my experience (not to say that I relate to iii. Black more, as I’m definitely not a drug dealer, but I related to it more on an emotional level, which we will get to later). Again, I wasn’t really bullied. I think the extent of my bullying was a few kids calling me a faggot in middle school. And I was used to much more criticism at home, so it was nothing to me. Also, I don’t know if it was just me, but I found teenage Kevin (god, I hope that actor is at least 18 so this doesn’t sound weird) way hotter than adult Kevin.

I found it so odd that he kept licking his lips when he’d talk to Chiron, I wonder how that came about, because that is very, however subtle, suggestive. The scene on the beach was beautiful, yet odd. The one thing about Moonlight is, I have so many unanswered questions about Kevin. I know the film is about Chiron, but Kevin is quite the mystery. Is he bisexual? Is he gay? Is that why he kept his friendship with Chiron? Why did he really, honestly, call Chiron after all those years (in iii. Black)? I hope there is commentary on the blu ray, because I hope to get more clarity.

The literal fight the two have is heartbreaking. Seeing the pain in both Kevin and Chiron’s eyes. Kevin, because he has to fit in and do what he is told, and Chiron because he let this person get close to him, and he was betrayed, but he refuses to give in or appear soft. And when Chiron comes back to school and busts the guy over the head with the stool, that was SOOOOOO gratifying because the fucker had it coming (it also made me wonder if that guy gets stopped on the street to be told he’s an asshole, as people tend to just assume actors are the characters they play rather than, well, actors.)

iii. Black was very interesting to me. Last we see of Chiron, he is being arrested for busting the guy over the head in class with a stool. Now, he is a grown ass man in every sense of the word. In i. and ii. is he very thin and meek, now he is fit and muscular. My favorite thing about iii. Black is you see how Chiron is now, but the moment Kevin calls, he reverts back to the Chiron from i. and ii. in almost every sense. He’s mannerisms change instantly.

The scene with his mom is heartbreaking for me. I’m getting emotional now as I type this. My mom passed away in 2016, about three months after I moved to Los Angeles, and I was devastated. I had all these plans of how later on in my life, we’d reconcile and become close again and that was ripped away from me. Add to it, the loneliness one feels when they have moved to a new city. I felt completely and utterly alone, and some times, a lot of the times, I still do. Seeing them reconcile was beautiful, but it hurt, because it was the kind of conversation I’d envisioned having with my mother, letting go of the past, and that will never happen for me.

Chiron’s interactions with Kevin are very interesting to me. I love the juxtaposition of this big strong man who is meek and quiet. It lets you know that even though he changed who he is on the outside, he couldn’t change or hide who he was in on the inside. The vulnerability Trevante brings is incredible. Side note, back when I worked at the Landmark, they did a Q&A of Moonlight. He was there, Ashton, the one who plays teenage Chiron, was there, and some of the producers. It was such a great Q&A and you can tell that Trevante isn’t afraid nor embarrassed to have an emotional side, which I think truly helped bring Chiron to life in iii. Black.

The ending was beautiful. When Chiron tells Kevin he is the only one who’s touched him. I don’t know why, it was beautiful and romantic to me. As if he’d been saving himself for an opportunity to see Kevin again (not that Kevin deserved it, but whatever). I like, and don’t like, that the ending is a bit ambiguous. I would have preferred a more definitive ending so we know where they go from there, if anywhere, but at the same time, I like that I get to make it up for myself.

I personally think Kevin is at the very least bisexual, which would explain their friendship lasting through the years, and his smile when Chiron reveals Kevin is the only one who’s touched him. I can’t think of a reason why he would call Chiron though, I get he says because of the song, but did the song make him think of the night on the beach or what? The ultimate question is, what happened after the end of the credits? I definitely don’t think they did anything sexual, at least not that night. I think maybe Kevin continued to hold Chiron and let him cry himself to sleep.

Do I think they develop a relationship? I don’t know. Maybe. That would make more sense of why Kevin called him after so long. Maybe it was ready to explore what he felt he couldn’t before, after all, he does speak about how he is finally free to live his life.

That end scene reminded me of myself and a friend. Much like Chiron, I’ve never been much of a sleeper, unless I’m sick. I’m quite the nocturnal animal (I still need to watch that film). I have a lot of trouble getting to sleep. However, if I’m sleeping with someone (not sexually, just physically close or cuddling), I sleep like a baby.

I have this one dear friend, I met back when I was 18 or 19, and he and I have a very close relationship. Sometimes we’ll cuddle and I sleep so peacefully. Something about hearing someone’s breath or feeling their heartbeat is like a lullaby to me. And then after, when I return to sleeping alone, the first night is the worst, I barely get any sleep.

It’s definitely not a sexual thing. He’s just a tactile person and I’m comfortable with him and trust him. Plus I don’t see him very often now that we live in different states. I don’t know. Typically, I’m not a fan of being touched, mainly because I enjoy it and don’t want to get used to it only for it to go away for whatever reason.

Anyway, that had nothing, per se, to do with the film, it is just what I always think of when I get to that last scene.

I think I’ve rambled on enough for now and got more personal than I intended, but c’est la vie. If you haven’t watched Moonlight, you should. It doesn’t matter your race, gender or ethnicity. I remember working at the Landmark and having elderly white ladies exiting the theater talking about how beautiful the film was, there is something in it for everyone.

La La Land

I finally watched La La Land last night. I wasn’t sure what to expect going into it. Several friends told me I would love it and relate to it. A few… other sources, gave me the impression I may hate it. By the end of the film, I was somewhere between hate and love, which I felt was somehow worse. It felt like an… OK movie to me.

I’ll preface by saying I wouldn’t call myself a fan of musicals, as in I’m not up to date on them all and haven’t watched very many, but I have enjoyed the musicals I’ve watched, and R.E.N.T is my favorite musical, and one of my favorite films.

The beginning of La La Land was incredible. The opening song and dance just made me happy. It made me think of the day I packed my car and moved to Los Angeles from Phoenix (which will be two years ago Feb 12th). I was intrigued by the film when Emma’s character, Mia, meets Ryan’s character, Sebastian, (and was it just me, or did they not say his name for a really long time?) but once they started dating, I lost my interest in what they were doing, and thus the film itself.

Typically, in a Love Story (which just made me think of Love Story by Katharine McPhee… a line from the song is, typical love story), boy meets girl, they fall in love and then something/someone keeps them apart or tries to break them apart. At first I thought it was going to be because Mia didn’t like jazz, but it wasn’t, and they just started a happy little relationship, so I suppose maybe it isn’t meant to be a Love Story… though, again, I’m confused, as the film seemed to be mainly about their relationship.

When they are in the relationship, I was confused about their goals. A film is all about the main character’s goal. I knew Sebastian wanted to open a jazz club and I knew Mia wanted to be an actress, but in Act II of the film, it felt as if they had kinda put those goals to the side to be with each other, and maybe that was the point of the film?

When the relationship starts getting rocky is when my interest peaked again. The scene where they argue over his career versus his dream and he lashes out at her, I loved it. I swear, Emma Stone is like Alyson Hannigan. When she teared up, I couldn’t help but do the same. I remember listening to commentary from Joss Whedon on an episode of Buffy where Alyson needed to cry, and after, he said everyone tried to comfort her and make sure she was ok and she had to remind them she was fine, it was acting. I couldn’t help but feel what Mia was feeling, even through the screen. That’s one thing I’ll give the film, the performances were incredible.

I’m not a fan of the ending. Sometimes, the ending of a film/TV show/game will make or break it for me. It felt a little cheap to me. I won’t spoil it (despite it being at least a year old), but to say the least, I felt cheated that they won, but still lost, and the way they lost didn’t make sense to me. I liked it less when I watched than I did once I had time to reflect on it, and now, as I write this (as I do these stream of consciousness style), maybe I didn’t like the end because I was viewing the film as a Love Story, and the more I think about it, maybe it wasn’t.

A friend and I got into a debate via text about the film. He was one who told me I MUST see it and I would LOVE it, so he wanted to know why I thought it was just OK. He wrote, and I quote, “The ending was the whole point. The poetry of what could have (or should have) been. Sentimental, and bittersweet. It’s not how love stories typically end in the movies, but it is how they often end in real life!… The juxtaposition of romantic and mundane, old and new, whimsical and ordinary…”

I definitely agree with what he is saying. I suppose, I didn’t expect that to be the message of this film. We later went on to compare it with 500 Days of Summer, and the end of that film made perfect sense for the story the film had been telling up to that point. For me, La La Land’s ending didn’t. I don’t know, I’ll have to re-watch it and pay more attention now that I know how it ends. If there is commentary, I’ll likely play that too so I can get a better insight on the vision of the film.

As I said in the beginning, I didn’t hate it, I just didn’t love it either. Perhaps because of all the hype, I built it up to something it couldn’t possibly deliver? That being said, I do relate to it on an artistic level. I moved to Los Angeles to be a writer, and when Mia runs back home because she is afraid she isn’t good enough. I think a lot of us, if not all of us, have felt that here in Los Angeles.

This film, along with other sources, has sparked a fire within me I wondered was long dead. I feel my drive and passion for writing returning to me, and it makes me incredibly happy. I may have to make a La La Land Redux post in the future, to see if my feelings have changed about it. I remember the first time I watched R.E.N.T, I was extremely confused and didn’t get it, but I watched the special features and listened to the commentary and then I got it. Perhaps the same will happen with La La Land.

Gia

I’ve written about this film before, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. I can’t explain how or why I stumbled across the film or even the name Gia Carangi, but somehow I did. Back in the day (as in probably around 2010 or so), I’d find myself on Wikipedia clicking links within articles and start off one place and end somewhere totally different. Though, I’ve always had a strange obsession with drug addiction, so I’m not too surprised I found my way to this film. I imagine I watched it around the time I was binge watching seasons (not episodes… seasons) of Intervention on Netflix and Amazon Prime, back in the good ol’ days when they had them.

It stars Angelina Jolie as Gia (with Mila Kunis playing her as a child) and I was instantly in love. Basically, she is one of the first “supermodels” (as there are several models who claim to be the first). She wasn’t like other girls in the industry at the time, and she was bisexual (maybe exclusively lesbian), and was inspired by Bowe’s look, so she could give a masculine look, a feminine look, or a blend of them. Not to mention she was wild and crazy and would do things other models wouldn’t do.

Unfortunately, she fell into drugs. First coke, then heroin, and at first she wouldn’t shoot up, but eventually she started that and her career started to nosedive. After watching the first time, I started to do more research because I wanted to know more about Gia. The film makes it clear that the industry knew about her drug use, but they didn’t care. Some reports claim they would even supply her with coke and heroin and argue that she started (or perhaps helped bring in) the heroin chic look.

Several times she tried to get clean, but would end up relapsing, and then she ended up contracting AIDS. This was the mid-80s, so no one really knew what it was yet, and she died shortly after discovering she had it. She had since left the fashion world, so a lot of people she’d worked with didn’t even know she was dead until months later.

I just find it really sad. I obviously didn’t know her or anything about her, she died about a year and a half before I was born, but I… relate to her? (I don’t know if relate is the right word.) When I watch the film and I read about her, I get her loneliness and I can understand why and how one would want some escape from that. I think a part of me envies and maybe resents how everyone seemed to love her, yet she still felt so lonely. Another part of me sees it as a cautionary tale not to squander my gifts and talents, because one day it will all be over and I want something to show for it.

I was reading more about Angelina Jolie the other night, as I didn’t realize Gia was one of her breakout roles. I didn’t know it before reading it, but she’d had her own demons when it came to drugs and self harm, which may be part of why when I think of Gia, I think of Angelina.

I hate how the industry chewed her up and spat her out, I mean, I suppose one could argue the drug use did that, but the industry and constantly working and partying didn’t help. The film starts with Gia walking down this beautiful catwalk, there is some dance music playing and she is in this gorgeous white wedding dress. She works the catwalk and all the people love her. It is my favorite scene in the film, because it tells you so much, but you don’t realize it until the end of the film.

You see this same scene again towards the end of the film (and the end of her career and her life), but now you have a different perspective. The first time you see it, she is full of life and having so much fun. When you see it the second time, you realize she is high, and this scene extends to her crashing, then she goes back stage because she needs another fix. The thing I hate about this scene is one of the guys, I assume the designer, is clapping and telling her how great she is, and as soon as she is out of earshot, he starts saying how she is finished and she’ll never work again.

She goes in the bathroom to shoot up, and has this disgusting open wound on her hand that she shoots into ( I loved the juxtaposition of the red and the white, pure, wedding dress), and one of the girls from the line of models goes back to get her and help her to her feet. The girl that helps her, Stephanie, I think her name was, is a girl that Gia meets when she first started modeling, and they started partying together. I just thought it was a sweet moment that she didn’t turn her back on Gia like everyone else.

Once upon a time, I read, and now I can’t find where I read it, that upon learning she had AIDS, and knowing she was going to die, Gia took all the money she had and when to get one last score, essentially to overdose, and when she goes to her dealer, he must sense she is trying to OD, and he and his guys just rob her and rape her (the film tells this as well). I know it is a horrible thing to say, but I hope the man (or men) who raped her contracted the virus when he/they raped her.

It’s weird. I’ve watched a lot of shows about drug addiction and I’ve watched a lot of films about people who died before their time, but I can’t example why this one touches me in a different, more personal, way. Maybe she reminds me of someone I knew when I was growing up (I can think of one person in particular, and I never found out what ended up happening to her or if she turned her life around)? I probably sound like one of those crazy fans or something, but I feel a connection I can’t explain. Maybe we are kindred spirits? Who knows.