I try to avoid broad blanket statements because you’re bound to offend someone. I try not to offend people in general. This is one of the reasons I don’t engage in arguments online (despite my love of lurking through them) and why I don’t post on YouTube or TikTok. I suppose eventually someone will be upset about something I say in one of these blogs, and this may be the blog that does it. I never thought the day would come that I would think/say this, but I think people are too easily offended these days.

I don’t want to feel like the offense police, nor do I think it is my place to tell someone what they should/shouldn’t be offended by any more than someone should tell me… That being said, some things make me think… do you not have better things to do with your time?

I’ll give an example. A TikToker I follow made a video about how she doesn’t have friends under a certain age (I watched her reaction video, not the video that caused the “controversy”). I think she said she doesn’t have any 26-year-old friends. She is 38, and she said she is in a different place in life. Fair. Apparently, a bunch of 26-year-olds flooded her comments upset about this. It made me think of a time years ago when I used to engage in social media posts. I was a part of a Gaymer (gay gamer) Facebook group, and I might still be a part of the group. I assume people were talking about dating and age, as I posted a comment stating I wouldn’t date a guy under the age of 21.

I got SO much backlash for that. I explained my stance, as I was newly 21 and most of my social life was spent at bars (even now, 13 years later…), so I’d want a guy who can go to the bars with my friends and I. Even now, I couldn’t see myself seriously dating a guy who is under 30. I never say never, but I do see how someone in their 20s is in a different place in life, more than likely. The comments I got were as if I were personally rejecting these guys. I wanted to be like, “well, damn, are you saying you wanted to date me? Why are you so mad?!?”

The other day, I also saw people offended about this whole Lea Michele can’t read thing. In case you don’t know, there is this conspiracy/joke going around (that has for years) that Lea Michele can’t read. Any time she is in the news, it resurfaces. I was going through Facebook comments on a post about it and saw a bunch of parents who were upset. They were upset because they have children with learning disabilities (dyslexia, etc) and apparently saying Lea Michele can’t read equates to making fun of their children. Again, I don’t want to be the offense police, but this feels like a stretch. I could maybe see if someone was making fun of people with learning disabilities, but, for the most part, I don’t see anyone actually making a stance on whether her being able to read or not is good or bad (though I suppose in general, our society views illiteracy in a negative way), people are just making the statement that she can’t read.

It reminds me of a meme I saw. It basically said you can post online that you love apples, and someone will be in your comments saying you hate oranges. I’ve even seen people argue about math… and I’m like, how do you argue math… it’s math… either it’s right or it’s wrong (in this case, they were saying 5 x 0 is not 0, but 5, which made NO sense… and they argued for MANY comments about how they were right, despite everyone telling them they were wrong.) The internet is a very wild place. Sometimes, I think it is just trolls, but sometimes there are people who genuinely are upset or offended, and I just want them to spend less time on the internet.

Many moons ago, I discovered I’m a lurker. If you don’t know what that is, it is someone who is in forums and discussion boards, but rarely engages in conversation. In real life, I can be that way too… I tend to be more interested in listening to the conversation than engaging.

I used to be a person who would argue with people on the internet, but many moons ago, I realized that wasn’t a good way to spend my time… I still lurk though. This may or may not become a series, as it is a way to get my thoughts out without having to engage…

I don’t want to say people are dumb or stupid… what I will say is… it doesn’t make sense to me to argue… on the internet, where one has access to a wealth of information… from an uninformed place. Nonetheless, I see it ALL the time.

For today’s Lurker, I will talk about “tip culture”. There are ALWAYS arguments about tipping and it frustrates me. I was never a server, though I did have some food industry jobs when I was younger (think fast food type stuff.) I’ll start with a few things.

1. The minimum wage in this country absolutely needs to be higher (though that may be another post of its own.)
2. In my opinion, if you are going out to eat unless you have absolutely terrible service, you should tip AT LEAST 20%

Naturally, there are a lot of people who disagree with this sentiment… for some reason or another.

From what I can tell, a lot of people don’t think they should be obligated to tip. They say the restaurants should pay their employees more and it shouldn’t be their responsibility to pay the employees. I agree with that… to an extent. In a lot of other countries, customers don’t tip… but we don’t live in other countries, we live in America, where servers rely on tips as their primary income. Unless it is the customer’s first time going to a restaurant in America, by stepping inside, sitting down, and ordering… I feel you are entering a social contract of sorts. It is unfair to say the employer should pay more… but still dine there and not tip, you are exploiting the workers… just like the employer.

I never tip under 20%, even for these expensive ass WeHo drinks at the bars. I think employers should pay more so their employees don’t have to rely on tips, but until that happens, I will abide by the terms of this social contract.

Some people say their tip amount is determined upon the service (some people have a whole rubric like it’s grade school), I am not one of those people… unless it is TERRIBLE service. I’ll give an example. Years ago, I went to brunch with some friends. I don’t remember the name of the place, and I suppose it doesn’t matter, but they had those long, cafeteria-like tables where multiple parties would sit at the same table, but with chairs as dividers (this is important to the story.) Our server greets us and lets us know breakfast will be ending soon. We all wanted breakfast, so we start looking at the menu right away.

We decide what we want pretty quickly, but we can’t find out waiter. He finally pops up, but he is on the other end of the table chatting with his buddies. We are trying to get his attention (thankfully no one snapped their fingers or anything) but he is just chatting and chatting. He finally comes back to us and we start ordering, and he tells us we can’t do breakfast anymore. We ask if an exception can be made because we were ready to order, but we were waiting on him. I don’t remember exactly what happened after that, because we didn’t end up staying.

See, despite my Type A personality, I am very go with the flow when it comes to a dining experience. If they don’t have the thing I want, I’ll just get something else. If they can’t substitute something or add something (which I rarely ask them to do anyway), I’ll take it as is… so I would have just ordered lunch and went about my business… but my friends were pissed. I know we didn’t eat there, and I know one of my friends talked to the manager and got some kind of voucher for their next time there. I think eventually we got drinks, so we paid for that and left. That is the only time I can remember not tipping.

There was another time when a friend of mine tried to not pay his bill. We were at a Denny’s or IHOP or something. There was a big group of us (at least 10 – 15). We all had separate checks (mind you, this was a good 10 years ago, before things like Venmo and CashApp). Naturally, it was chaos and a flurry of pens and the bill holders. He just put his unpaid receipt in with someone who had paid and signed… but I noticed. So, I took it and had the waitress run his bill with mine. I don’t think I said anything to him about it, but I didn’t want the waitress to get stiffed.

I say all that to say, I go out to eat probably once a week (I’m a Sunday Funday brunch kinda girl) and the only bad experience I can think of at a restaurant is that one time some odd years ago. I’m not saying I’m a model customer, I’m sure I do things that annoy the workers that I don’t even realize, but I don’t treat them like they are beneath me because they are serving me… and I think a lot of people against tipping have that mentality. For me, it is the opposite, I treat them with so much respect BECAUSE they are serving me. I could have stayed at home and made a meal of my own (I’m not the best cook in the world, but I’m not the worst)… instead I opted to go out and be served… and for me, that demands the upmost respect.

This also applies to delivers. Before the pandemic, I rarely had food delivered to my own… That changed (and my weight can attest to that.) Always 20%, minimum. When I have groceries delivered, they only offer 5%, 10% and 15%, so I double the 10% and round up to the nearest dollar (that is typically what I do at restaurants too, 20% rounded up to the nearest dollar.)

Some argue that some families/people can’t afford to tip… to which I say, in the most respectful way, go somewhere else, or order something less expensive. When I was a broke college kid, I NEVER went out to eat, unless my roommate’s parents took me to dinner with him (and they graciously paid… because I was a broke college kid.) I survived off Little Caesar’s $5 Hot and Ready pizza mostly, or I’d take what little money I had and go to the grocery store and make food.

To me, to go out to eat and say you can’t afford to tip, or shouldn’t have to tip, is saying you are better than the people working there. There is no way someone can explain not tipping to me that will make me think otherwise. Call me crazy, but I don’t want a restaurant worker to go without because I wanted a nice experience.

So, in closing… if you don’t tip (or tip well)… I think you’re a bad, selfish, greedy person.