Five By Five

Anyone who knows me probably knows I’m a huge Buffy fan, I mean, look at the name of the blog, rogue slayer… And, of course, if that doesn’t tell you, my favorite character is Faith. She’s easily my favorite fictional character. I related so much to her when I was in high school and my early 20s and she and Buffy helped me through a lot of dark times in my life, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

The other week, my roommate told me about a Buffy trivia night happening at a bar down the street from our apartment. I was skeptical at first but decided to go. I had to find teammates, as each group had to have four but that turned out to be pretty simple. I was so nervous about going. I didn’t know my teammates ahead of time and despite going out all the time, I’m terribly shy and socially awkward. Part of me was tempted to just stay home and sleep but I got up and went and I had a blast.

Our group was called Five by Five. I loved the name as Faith is my favorite character, and she was the favorite of another member of the team. The bar was packed and everyone was wearing Buffy shirts, I wore my Five by Five one, and I knew Buffy was popular, but for some reason, I didn’t expect there to be as big a crowd. It brought me back to my high school days when I would spend my nights and weekends in my room watching Buffy and it made me wish I’d had something like this back then.

That trivia night lit a spark in me to write again. Back in the day, I’d put Buffy on as background noise and just write. It was such an inspiration to me creatively, I’d like to create stories that help people like these stories helped and still help me and I’m realizing I need to shift priorities if I expect that to happen.

When I was in high school, I was more or less a loner, at least for my freshman year. I didn’t have a desire to make friends, as I thought my time in GA would be temporary, when I realized it wouldn’t be, I figured making friends would help pass the time. Like Faith, I’ve always longed to be a part of something, but I’ve never quite gotten it right, or somehow managed to mess it up. I was more content with that in high school, I think, than I am with it now. I go out, and I don’t even enjoy going out unless I’ve had a few drinks, and I feel I’m trying to fill this void that writing once filled. Before I was 21, writing was my escape from my problems. I could just jump into a world of my own creation, one I controlled (which is why I love Sucker Punch so much.) The past few years, food and alcohol have been an alternative, and as that tends to be more social, it filled the loneliness writing couldn’t.

But I’m thirty now and I have dreams and goals. I moved to Los Angeles to become a writer, not to become a socialite. I need to find some writer friends, though I’m not sure how to go about that… but I tend to achieve what I set my mind to. Maybe I had it right in high school? Maybe I should stick to being at home writing, reading, drawing, watching movies/TV and playing video games. I definitely felt more creative then and writing came easily. I don’t know, I just don’t want to wake up and be 40 with nothing to show as my free time was spent at the bars or nursing hangovers as opposed to writing and developing my craft.

Writing was everything to me and I’m going to get back to that.

The Runaways

This show was on my radar for one main reason; I was told it is like X-Men meets Buffy (and one of my story concepts I’ve been working on since I was a teen has been described as Buffy meets X-men), so I was instantly intrigued.

I finally got around to watching it and I was sadly a little underwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed the show, I do agree a bit with some commenters saying they felt the runaway part shouldn’t have taken the full season to happen, but overall, I was intrigued by the show… I just feel I didn’t like it for the reasons one should.

Let me explain, and I’ll be as spoiler-free as possible. The premise of the show, based on the comic of the same name, is a group of teens finds out their parents are part of an evil organization, and they team together to defeat their parents. Interesting enough, I’m sure many can relate to thinking their parents are evil. My issue was I related to the parents way more than the kids. As the title is The Runaways and not The Runaways’ Parents one can assume I’m supposed to root for the kids. Maybe it is because I’m about a week shy of 30, but I empathized with the parents more than their angsty, whiny kids.

I can’t speak for the comics but in the show, the parents made a deal years ago that locked them into the evil they must commit and they do so to protect their children. The children who turn against them. I guess I just found them to be ungrateful.

It’s interesting because I realized The Runaways is by the same creator of The OC (we’ll be covering that shortly) and though I enjoy the kids more in The OC, I find the parents more #goals at this point in my life and the kids too angsty.

That being said, I am looking forward to a second season as I want to know where the story goes.

Thirty, Flirty and Thriving

My 30th birthday is in 11 days. Not only am I celebrating my Dirty Thirty, I’m also celebrating my Golden Birthday (as my birthday is the 30th). It’s a little bittersweet. I don’t like the idea of leaving my twenties, but I do like the idea of moving further into adulthood. Ten or so years ago, you would never hear me speak of turning 30 with such positivity.

I, foolishly, thought I’d accomplish everything I sought to accomplish by the age of 30 and saw no point in living beyond that. I was so young and so naive. Thankfully, I tend to keep at least one set of friends around who are older than I, and they provide perspective on what the future can hold if I invest the time and work now. I never thought I’d say this, but I look forward to my 30s, 40s and beyond.

I, foolishly, thought I’d have everything figured out by now, and there is still a lot for me to learn, even about myself. This past month I took a break from alcohol, yet still occasionally went out. Part of the reason was I wanted to get back into the gym and drinking would get in the way of developing muscle, also it is quite easy for me to decide to skip the gym if I’ve been drinking the night before. Another reason, which I kept to myself, was I use/used alcohol as a way of breaking through my social anxiety, but I wasn’t more social with it (as I’ve learned the past month) and I’d drink more and more in an effort to… let go, if you will, and it wasn’t working. I saw this post that was a quote from Robin Williams (allegedly… don’t always trust what you read on the internet) that said if you have to do drugs or drink to have a good time, you’re doing something wrong. And at that moment, I decided to take a little break from drinking to see if I could still have fun out and about sober. Moving forward, I probably won’t be out and about sober, maybe a drink or two, as drunk people can be annoying when sober, but I still went out and I still had fun and met new people and was able to have conversations (and remember people’s names this time) without even a sip of alcohol.

My year of 30 is going to be focused on getting back into writing. It’s the thing that has always given me the most peace and yet something I’ve been running scared from for the past two and a half years (despite being the reason I moved to Los Angeles.) It is said that an “overnight success” in Hollywood typically takes about ten years of hard work and I think I’m ready to start putting in that work. I have friends who are just hitting 40 or close to it, who are doing things I’d love to do when I’m that age, and I’m ready to invest that time and work. I’m OK with spending the time now and being labeled an “overnight success” at 40.

I’m excited for what the next ten years hold. The last ten were quite a ride. Hell, the last two were quite a ride. Here’s to being Thirty, Flirty and Thriving!

Another Day of Sun

So, Feb 12th marked my second year of living in Los Angeles, but May 1st (technically April 30th) marked my second year of living in West Hollywood. Sure, I moved maybe four miles, but my life as a Californian truly began once I moved to WeHo. So I figured I’d reflect on it a bit.

My move to California has been an eye-opening experience for me. Even when I moved to Phoenix at the age of 18, I don’t think it was as challenging as moving to California was, and I wonder if people realize how difficult it was for me (the beauty of social media, I suppose, it just shows the highlight reel.)

I tend to be rather critical of myself and wonder if I’ll ever be a “real” writer or if I have the passion for it that I see in others (that I don’t see in myself,) but despite my fears, I moved, even though up until about a week before the move, it seemed impossible. I knew I needed to be here.

And it is so interesting, because, I would come to WeHo for my birthday, it is at the end of August, so my friends and I would call it our LAbor Day trip. I would walk along Santa Monica Blvd and I spoke into existence that I would live here someday, and now I do. It is surreal to think that I live not just in the town, but the very neighborhood I would stay in on vacation. I live between the two hotels I’d stay in. It really goes to show the power of the mind. When I think of that, it reminds me to keep positive thoughts, as it takes time, especially in this industry, to get in the door.

And I have a great roommate, my first LA roommate was legitimately mentally unwell, and I have great friends. I know I’m not the most… open person in the world, but I like to think that I show people I care, in my own little ways, and I hope they know I do. Sometimes I envy people who can be open and honest about how they feel. I’m only able to do so in writing, and even then, I’m still reserved.

This one time, a dear WeHo friend told me this story, I don’t remember the exact details, besides it isn’t my story to tell, but it was something along the lines of seeing someone in the bar that triggered old, bad memories, and he started to cry and it made me sad and that sadness turned to anger towards that person who caused this pain to my friend. And since then, I’ve felt this need to look after and protect him, though he doesn’t need my protection. I think it stems from my desire to have an older brother. I always wanted to be a sidekick or righthand man or something. He’s opened up to me and in my own small ways, I’ve done the same.

Living in West Hollywood has really made me confront some things about myself I’d like to change, such as being so reserved and distant, and my thinking in general. I tend to go more towards the negative thoughts, but I’ve been reading self-help books and whatnot and am realizing that happiness is a choice and it isn’t a matter of thinking I’ll be happy when I have X or I’ll be happy when Y happens, it is a matter of being happy and grateful now, and if I’m not happy now, I won’t be when I have X or when Y happens, because there will just be a new X and Y to achieve.

I’ve also had to confront a laziness I developed. Living in Phoenix was very easy. I didn’t have to do much and I lived a comfortable life, but here in West Hollywood, if I want to achieve my goal of being a screenwriter, I have to break out of my comfort zone and but in a lot more effort than was required of me to get what I wanted in Phoenix. Though it has been hard, I have accepted the challenge. One of the biggest challenges has been not operating out of fear. As I said before, I’m extremely critical of myself, I have a nagging fear of not being good enough in, well, every aspect of my life, and it is holding me back. It goes back to the whole breaking out of the comfort zone thing, so that is my goal for this third year in West Hollywood, not to operate out of fear, as there have been times when I’ve been fearless, such as my move to Los Angeles, and so far, despite the ups and downs, it has been working in my favor.

Step Sisters

I watched Step Sisters on Netflix last night on a whim. Netflix recommended it to me when it released, and my only reason for watching was Megalyn Echikunwoke. I’m such a fan of hers. I can’t explain the how or why, as I haven’t watched a lot of things she’s been in nor have I actively sought them out, but I’m always happy when I run into something she is in.

The first thing I remember seeing her in was a little MTV soap opera called Spyder Games. I can’t really recall the other actors from the show, but I always remember her and her character, Charity. Charity the police chief’s (maybe chief, he was a policeman though) daughter and was in love with this guy named Sascha. This show was on around 2001. The next thing I remember seeing her in was an episode of The Game and I instantly recognized her. The next thing was Injustice 2 where she is the voice of Vixen, and apparently, she is the voice actress for the animated show and there was an episode of Arrow (maybe, or one of the other CW DC shows) where she plays the live action version of Vixen.

It’s weird, I feel I don’t have the dedication to call myself a fan, per se, and it isn’t like I know her or anything, I just am really happy when I see actors from shows I watched as a teen who are still in the industry and doing well. I’m also that person who is really happy when I see co-stars of shows/movies are friends in real life. I can’t explain it.

Anyway, to the film itself. It got a lot of low scores, and I thought they were unfair. It wasn’t the greatest film I’ve ever watched, but it was nowhere near the worst. I appreciated it for what it was. For me, it felt like a Bring It On in a Dear White People universe, if that makes any sense (and it should, as it shares producers with Dear White People.)

I felt at times it was a bit too silly for what it was trying to say and there seemed to be times when emotions suddenly skyrocketed from 0 to 100 or vice versa ( and sometimes from 0 to 100 to 0) which felt a little jarring, but overall I was entertained. The premise of the film is Jamilah, Megalyn’s character, needs a recommendation letter to get into Harvard. Her parents, though Harvard graduates, will not write a letter for her, due to her not achieving a 4.0. She works for the dean, in some capacity I don’t think was really explained, and after a scandal with a sorority, he offers to provide her the recommendation letter if she teaches the sorority to step. I should mention, Jamilah is part of a black sorority, the Thetas, and the other sorority, SBB, is white (with the exception of one black member.)

I can’t really put my finger on it, but this felt like a Bring It On lite, like I imagine the sequels to Bring It On are. Again, I really enjoyed it, and it added its own flavor to make it unique, but if it weren’t for Megalyn, I would have just watched Bring It On. It felt like there wasn’t a lot of time spent with all the characters. In the end, when they have their step competition, I could point out maybe three of them that I knew for sure, the others, I couldn’t tell if they were just dance extras or if they’d been there the entire time.

It also did the thing in Bring It On where the main character has a boyfriend and he seems great, but then turns out not to be, so she ends up dating a guy she meets on her new journey, and I just noticed this part too, he is the brother of her new friend. Hmm. I had more of an issue with this in Step Sisters than I did in Bring It On. Again, I felt it was because I didn’t get to spend a lot of time getting to know a lot of the supporting cast. So, Jamilah’s boyfriend is white, played by the very sexy and very woke Matt McGorry. From my understanding of their relationship, they seemed very happy. All of a sudden, she meets this new guy, who is black, yet the brother of the white president of SBB, Danielle (we’ll get to her in a moment.) and she ends up dumping her boyfriend for him. The new relationship is very cute, but it felt like they made Matt’s character a villain all of a sudden, literally in one scene her criticizes her for teaching the SBBs step, to justify her dumping him for Danielle’s brother. It felt forced, in my opinion.

There were times when it felt like, ok, this is where we need to hit an emotional moment, and one would come out of nowhere, and it felt odd. And when things blow up in Jamilah’s face, the person who does it didn’t make sense to me, even though she explains why, and I felt Jamilah was a little quick to forgive, despite not having a reason to do so.

My favorite two characters in this film were Jamilah and Danielle, and I feel it is likely because of the actresses. So I already expressed my feelings about Megalyn, but the actress who played Danielle, Lyndon Smith, I need to discuss. I’ve never seen her before, but I loved her immediately. She reminds me of a Demi Moore: The Next Generation. She is the bitchy president of the SBB, and she has this way of talking that makes her seem like she has seen it all, heard it all, and is so exhausted by the conversation that she can barely speak. I don’t know if that is how she always speaks, but I loved it. Her character also reminded me a lot of myself. She is cold and distant, but underneath it all, she does care for her sorority sisters, in her own way.

Overall, it was a cute movie. I went into it with no expectations and ended entertained.

Queer as Folk: Season Five

I just finished S5 Ep10, which is the bomb episode, for those who don’t remember. I figured I’d take a moment to stop and reflect as it’s an intense episode, and I remember, more or less, what happens in the last three episodes.

It is fascinating to watch this show now that I am the age the characters were at the start of the show. When I first watched the show, I was 18, which was almost 12 years ago, and the show ended a year before that. I’ve done some living and learned about the world since then.

The bomb episode is bittersweet. Though the show dabbles with death before this episode, this was the first time you see something of that scale. Long story short, there is a benefit to raise money to stop Proposition 14, which will ban same-sex marriage, and said benefit takes place at Babylon. While Cyndi Lauper is performing (I just learned the song has a Babylon Remix which was used for the show) a bomb goes off. The first time I watched it (and even in re-watches before this) things like Pulse hadn’t happened yet, so I had a different perspective this time.

The sweet comes with Justin and Brian. I think I may have to retract my statement that I hate Justin the most. In season five, he was easily my favorite character, as he had such maturity. Anyway, I still remember the first time I watched the scene where Brian finally tells Justin he loves him. I still get emotional when I watch it because it meant so much to me to see.

Brian is supposed to be leaving for Australia, but he learns of the bombing (of his club) on his way to the airport and turns back around. He is so afraid that something has happened to Justin. He’s always loved Justin and cared for him, in his own way, without expressing it using those words. He finds Justin and they embrace, all covered in smoke, and he finally says “I love you,” and the look on Justin’s face. He grabs onto Brian as if he can’t believe it is real.

I first saw the scene shortly after being introduced to the show by my roommate at the time. I was watching clips of the show on Youtube (as one would do when one couldn’t afford the boxsets and streaming services weren’t a big thing in 2006) and stumbled across one with a title along the lines of “Brian finally says ‘I love you’ to Justin.” I don’t think I knew the context of how it came about, as I’d only watched clips here and there. I don’t think it was until 19 or 20 that I watched the show in order.

It was such a great feeling, even know, for Justin to hear those words he had been waiting so long to hear. Even though I tend to enjoy bitter ends when it comes to gay media, I really cared for their relationship and wanted the best for them (despite thinking Ethan and Justin seemed more suited for each other.)

I may or may not write one final post about the overall season (which will discuss how I hated Hunter this season. He was the Dawn of the show,) or maybe I’ll just start writing when I move on to a new show. I have kinda enjoyed these “reviews” if you will. Perhaps next will be Buffy.

Queer As Folk Season 4

This may be part one, as I’m only halfway through season 4, so I’ll try to make this short and sweet. I have to eat my words in regards to Justin, I completely forgot that I quite enjoyed him this season. Though Justin bothered me a lot as a character in the first half of the series, and even though I felt Ethan and Justin were more compatible, I really enjoy Brian and Justin together.

Despite Brian being over ten years Justin’s senior, Justin is clearly the more mature one, especially when it comes to expressing emotions. Once upon a time, I had a friend who told me I was like Brian. We definitely share methods of communication and emotional expression, which is quite little. Though I relate to the way he interacts with people, I was never a big fan of his until the final two seasons. I loved when he went through cancer because he had a vulnerability we hadn’t really seen before.

There are two scenes that really hit me in regards to this two. The first is when Justin doesn’t know about Brian’s cancer. In typical Brian fashion, he pretends he is going on an impulse vacation. When Justin confronts him about not being invited, Brian yells at him, and walks away, partly in pain from being sick, but also because he is hurting Justin in hopes of driving him away. He walks back and Justin tells him if he did or said something to upset him, he didn’t mean to (as Brian has been pushing him away for at least a few days at this point.) It was really touching.

The other is after Brian kicks Justin out (upon discovering Justin knows of his cancer.) Justin comes back to fight for his relationship. This time he yells at Brian, telling him he has been a piece of shit for not telling him and for thinking he would leave. I found that touching too.

I think it was this season when I really started to relate to Brian. I have a tendency to push people away too. The closer someone tries to get, the harder I push. Also, like Brian, I have my idea of what it means to be perfect, and I don’t like to stray from it.

Also, I want to touch on the death of Uncle Vic. It is interesting to watch something years later and have it affect you differently. I watched the episode where Uncle Vic dies on Tuesday, the day after the second anniversary of my mother’s death, and it hit me harder than expected. I related so much to Debbie, as she had concerns of how her brother felt about her, as he died after a fight. My mother and I didn’t have a fight before she passed away, but I also thought later in life we would reconnect and life didn’t work that way for me. Sometimes it makes me sad if I think about that too much.

Nothing else really stood out to me so far, other than I hated that Michael told Brian he and Justin knew about the cancer, despite him telling Justin they couldn’t say anything. Though he said it was an accident, I feel he purposefully did it so Justin couldn’t say something first.

Queer As Folk Season 3

I finished Season 3 without even realizing it. I think my post about Ethan and Justin said a majority of my thoughts on Season 3, so this should be short and sweet. Though I like Brian and Justin together, I still think Ethan was better with Justin, but that had to do something to get them to break up so it could be Brian and Justin again.

I forgot about Hunter coming into the picture (and I believe it is Season 4 when he just pops up with all new teeth and it isn’t commented on.) At first, I hated Hunter, though not as much as Justin. I hated how he treated Ben and Michael, despite the fact that they were trying desperately to help him. Also, something that comes up in season 4, but Hunter is apparently straight, which doesn’t make sense, as he actively pursued Brian in Season 3, even offering to pay Brian to sleep with him rather than having Brian pay like a typical client, so it seemed weird to make him straight, maybe bi.

The main thing I hadn’t talked about was Emmett and Ted. I really enjoyed their relationship, and though I really enjoyed the Blake and Ted story about addiction and crystal use, the Emmett and Ted story was more fleshed out. Of all the things that happen to the characters that felt out of, well, character, for the characters, Ted becoming a crystal queen made sense.

When he had an argument with Emmett about how he uses crystal because he doesn’t want to be himself anymore, it reminded me of Willow’s talk with Buffy when she indulges in the dark magicks. In both cases, they were the reliable, meek characters, and their addiction is fueled, subconsciously, by self-loathing. It’s beautiful and tragic and relatable.

I have a few top favorite moments in QAF, and one of them happens in Season 3. Ted finally hits rock bottom, which is being awake for days and discovering he got gangbanged while watching video of it. He goes to rehab and there he sees Blake. I loved this because the last time you saw Blake was Season 1, and he just disappeared, presumably dead. Naturally, Ted assumes he is a patient in rehab, but it turns out he is a counselor. I love that moment when Ted realizes that. That’s the thing I love about tv shows, characters have so much room to grow. In the two years they haven’t seen each other, their places in life completely switched. We don’t know what Blake has been through since we last saw him, but we know he was able to kick his addiction and is now helping others to do the same.

I also liked how despite being so against Ted helping Blake, when it was Emmett’s turn, he behaved much like Ted, if not more so, in trying to defend and deflect Ted’s destructive behavior.

Another favorite moment is when Michael confronts Ben about his steroid use. At one point, Ben, in his roid rage, says maybe he should be with someone who is also positive. Michael finds a needle Ben uses for steroids and threats to prick himself with it, thus exposing himself to HIV as well. Ben gets scared and demands Michael doesn’t do it and Michael tells him to stop using the steroids and to stop hurting himself and their relationship. The dialogue and the tension of that scene were perfect.

Now I’m on to season 4 and after that, the fifth and final season.

Trick

Not too long ago, I had a conversation with someone about gay films, I can’t remember who off the top of my head, but I was told I needed to watch Trick. The opportunity presented itself tonight and I figured, why not?

I quite enjoyed it, despite being a little confused. In short, a shy writer meets this gogo boy on the subway and decides to bring him home. They are unable to hook up, as his roommate and his best friend both get in the way, and they spend the evening trying to find a place to hook up.

It is set in NYC in the 90s, which I love. I really regret not being an adult in the 90s. I think I would have loved living in NYC. Gabriel, the main character, is played by Christian Campbell (Neve Campbell’s brother… though I think he could pass for Ryan Reynold’s brother,) and I really liked and related to the character. In the beginning, he is testing a song from a musical he wrote, and a friend questions how he can write about falling in love or the potential to do so if he hasn’t experienced it.

There are a series of misfortunes between him and the go-go dancer, Mark, and at several points in the film, both debate calling it a night and going to their respective homes. Though I enjoyed the film, I was a bit confused by the motives of the main characters. For instance, to me, it seemed very apparent from the beginning that all Mark and Gabriel wanted was sex, more so Mark than Gabriel. I could see Gabriel maybe hoping the hookup could turn into something more, but I didn’t see that with Mark.

After they are kicked out of Gabriel’s place, they try to figure out where they can go to mess around, and a guy walks by, and Mark starts checking him out. But later in the film, it seems Mark picked up Gabriel in hopes that this hook up would be different than the others, something more, which didn’t make sense based on what I thought of the character prior to that moment. Perhaps it is a bit nitpicky, but I couldn’t understand why either of them were so emotionally invested in a hook up that hadn’t even happened yet. Nonetheless, it was cute and sweet.

Queer As Folk: Justin & Ethan

So, this is going to go against my previous two posts where I said I hate Justin. It still stands true, but I really liked his relationship with Ethan. Towards the end of season 2, Justin meets Ethan, a young violinist, and there is instant chemistry between the two. I think it has a lot to do with the two of them being artists. I can’t say this for a fact, but I believe those with artistic souls are more passionate about things than others. In this case, Ethan’s passion and romantic ways draw Justin to him.

Ethan provides Justin what he desperately wants from Brian; romance and attention. Brian shows Justin in his own little ways that he cares but he refuses to make grand romantic gestures. So, Justin plays with fire by continuing to flirt with Ethan. One particular instance, which is probably my favorite, is when Justin and Ethan have this romantic lunch picnic on Ethan’s living room. Justin craves that kinda thing and Ethan slowly but surely seduces him by feeding that craving. The next scene is Justin recreating a picnic dinner on the floor at Brian’s. Brian comes home and instantly isn’t into it, which begs the question is Justin into Ethan or is he into the idea that Ethan represents, which is romance; the one thing lacking (for Justin) in his relationship with Brian.

Eventually, Justin leaves Brian for Ethan (I haven’t gotten to the episode yet, so I can’t remember exactly why.) but their love is short lived. Again, I believe it is an issue of the writers using the characters as plot devices more than anything, but who knows. Ethan ends up cheating on Justin and he goes back to Brian. I have the same issue with Ethan cheating as I have with Kevin suggesting an open relationship in Looking. In my mind, at least the way I thought I knew the character, it would seem highly unlikely for Ethan to cheat on Justin after spending so much time to win him. In Looking, Kevin finally wins Patrick back, only to suggest an open relationship. To me, these did not seem like moves these characters would make. However, would Queer as Folk really continue if Brian and Justin’s relationship didn’t? It was the whole premise of the show.

Though I dislike Justin, I thought he’d found his soulmate in Ethan. I remember thinking I was going to meet a musician in college and we’d fall madly in love. It didn’t happen. Though I am an artist at heart, I care myself more like a Brian. I keep people at a safe distance and I don’t like when people try to get close. The closer someone tries to get, the harder I push them away. But underneath it all, I relate to what Justin wanted. The passion, the romance, the attention. And I think when you are both artists you can relate on a different level.

I also liked that Ethan was more age appropriate. Ethan was a struggling artist, which I also found attractive about him. When I see myself falling in love, I see the guy being equal to me and we help the other build his career and success. I saw that and I wanted that for the two of them.

Don’t get me wrong, I think Justin and Brian are cute together, I just thought Justin and Ethan were better. What makes me like Justin and Brian are the moments when Brian lets down his guard and lets Justin in. Ethan was like that all the time, sentimental, romantic and sweet. But the show must go on.