Being Mary Jane

I stumbled upon this show one night thanks to Ray and Ricky. I heard about it before and heard a bit of controversy about it, but it hadn’t peaked my interested. Truth be told, I was never that big a fan of Gabrielle Union. I always thought she looked mean and angry and she always played mean characters, it is silly to judge an actress by the roles she plays, I know.

However, they were watching an episode as I came home from work one day and I was instantly intrigued. I discovered it was on Netflix and sat down and watched the first season. I fell in love with the show instantly for several reasons.

First, I love Gabrielle Union as Mary Jane. I couldn’t see another actress in the role. To her credit, I only watcher her earlier teen roles, and then Deliver Us From Eva, and wasn’t aware of the great range of emotions she can give to a role. Mary Jane is strong and successful but also vulnerable and, at times, less than smart. I love the complexity of the character.

Second, I love, love, LOVE Mara Brock Akil, the series creator. For those who don’t know, she also created Girlfriends and The Game. Girlfriends was everything to me. It was the black LA answer to Sex and the City. I watched the first three seasons of The Game, all that Netflix has to this day, but wasn’t as big a fan of it as Girlfriends. I love that her shows are about successful black men and women and she weaves in discussions about race and other important social issues in all of her shows.

Third, the show inspires me, just as Girlfriends inspired me. When Mary Jane is helping her niece to eat better and lose weight, it made me think more about the food I put into my body. Seeing Mary Jane bust her ass for her job and her career makes me want to give my all to my writing and the pursuit of my career.

Now, Mary Jane is a bit messy; too messy for some people, but it just makes me love her even more. Even the most put together people, even the most successful, have shit to deal with in their lives. Everyone has issues. It is all about how we work through them.

Dead Or Alive Xtreme 3

I platinumed the game the other day. It was one of the easier platinums, though rather tedious and repetitive. I love the Dead or Alive Xtreme series. I don’t know if it is because I’m gay or what, but I absolutely love buying the different swimsuits and seeing how they look on different girls.

I started as a fan of Dead Or Alive on PS2 with Dead or Alive 2: Hardcore. I’m a huge fan of fighting games and I loved the graphics. I’m also, more or less, a Sony fanboy. I was devastated to learn DOA 3 would be exclusive to Microsoft’s new Xbox. So, I purchased one.

By the time I bought one, Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball had been released. I remember my mom was so hesitant to buy it for me (I was maybe 15 or 16 at the time, so I couldn’t buy it myself due to the M rating). I still love the song “How Crazy Are You?” by Meja because of the intro to the first two games. I felt so accomplished when I got ever girl the Venus costume. See, in the first two games, instead of rejecting your gift, as they do in the third, they would just throw it away, and obtaining money took more effort back then.

While playing the third game in the Xtreme series, something hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember there was a lot of controversy about the game. Now, the Dead or Alive series is known for its controversy due to the way the female characters look and dress. There was a lot of fun made over the physics of the second game where the individual breasts had their own creepy movements. Even when the girls stopped moving, their breasts kept going.

This time, the controversy was over not bringing the game stateside. There was some odd statement about how it was due to the issues of sexism in video games going on stateside. But the real reason, at least in my opinion, is the same reason they bumped up the girls ages from 16 to 18 for the stateside releases of the games… It looks a little too much like child pornography for our Western taste.

I remember playing as Marie Rose and thinking, this just looks and feels wrong. There is no way this girl is 18. She is so much smaller than the other girls. It doesn’t help that in anime, even grown adult women tend to have child like tendencies. It just felt wrong to have her in swimsuits other than her own. For the most part, the ones you could purchase as her (as the girls have different collections) were very sweet and innocent. Most of the other characters… not so much.

So, her outfits look weird on the other girls, who are… fully developed, to say the least, and their outfits looks wrong on her because they are skimpy and sexy and she looks so young and childlike. It would have never gone over well stateside. And for good reason. After playing as her to get the trophies I needed to get playing as her, I haven’t used her since because it makes me feel creepy, especially when there are missions where you have to take voyeuristic photos of the girls.

If there were ever to be a release outside Japan and Asia, which I highly doubt at this point, I don’t see how they would do it without completely removing her from the game. Though, in all honesty, I’m not sure why she’s in the Xtreme series game in the first place rather than Lisa, Lefang, Tina and/or Christie.

Final Fantasy XII The Zodiac Age

The time has finally come! I found out around 2am (PST) and I literally gasped and repeated “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” until I could confirm it was true.

It all started with a simple trip down memory lane thanks to Facebook’s “On this Day,” feature. On this day, two years ago, I posted a link to an article about a rumor of FF XII HD possibly being announced at 2014’s E3. I’ve been patiently, well, patiently may not be the best word, waiting for this since I heard of the FF X HD remake (which I own for PS3 and PS4 now). I remember reading somewhere that Square Enix said they’d remake FF XII if FF X/X-2 sold well.

So, I saw that post this morning and commented that I’m still waiting. For years, I’ve randomly googled “Final Fantasy XII HD” hoping for an update with no luck. Something told me to check this morning and I gasped when I saw the announced had been made a few minutes before I searched.

Not only are we getting a remake, but we get the international version.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t the hugest fan of this game’s story, but I loved playing the game. It felt like playing a MMO offline. It was also one of my first purchases when I moved to Arizona.

The last time I played it was years ago. At the time, I had a 60gb PS3, so I could still play PS2 games. I had started a new game and was maybe halfway when my PS3 died. I couldn’t find another 60gb, so I had to buy a new slim model. I’m excited at the chance to finally beat the game.

Don’t Get Me Wrong

Another film I love from my childhood is Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. I believe it is one of the main reasons I have such a love for 80s music.

A few days ago, I remembered it have been 10 years since I graduated high school (I graduated May something, 2006). It seemed only appropriate to watch the film again. It has been ages. The last time I watched it was before I took any screenwriting classes. While watching it, I really enjoyed the little things that made everything make sense at the end.

For instance, in high school Romy and Michele were very fashion forward and they carried that into adulthood. Lisa, of the A group, liked their looks, even in high school. So, it made sense that she would end up working for Vogue and at the reunion compliments their fashion. I imagine little touches like that were added through rewrites, but, nonetheless, it really helped build the story for me.

I’m a huge fan of The Pretenders because of this film. “Don’t Get Me Wrong” is one of my top favorite songs ever. I don’t know if I would have ever heard it if not for this film as it is slightly before my time.

I wish I had been a teen in the 80s or 90s. It seems like it was such a fun time to be young. I try to live vicariously through Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, but it just isn’t the same… I love the music, the fashion, the movies.

I wonder if the kids born today will feel the same about my generation?

Back on the Chain Gang

I’ve mentioned this in previous blogs, ones I probably deleted, but I like to remind myself.

I’ve always loved watching movies. I got it from my mom, I believe. We always had this massive collection of VHSs growing up and I’d go through and watch them on weekends and during the summers. Now I have a massive collection of Blu Rays.

I had a few favorites that I’d watch over and over. The summer before 9^th grade I watched Coyote Ugly every day. Every. Day. I knew, even then, that it would have relevance to my life. And now I’m brand new in the big, bad city (though at the time I probably thought the big, bad city would be NYC, not LA.)

The Devil Wears Prada is another film I feel will have relevance in my life, though I’m not sure how yet. Perhaps I’ll work as an assistant to someone someday (fingers crossed).

But, this morning, I thought about Sister Act II. I think of it often when I find myself not writing. At one point, Sister Mary Clarence tells Rita about this book she read. In the book, a guy is writing to an author about becoming a writer. The writer tells him if he wakes up in the morning and the only think he can think about it writing, he is meant to be a writer. She uses this same thinking to tell Rita if she wakes up and can only think about singing, she is meant to be a singer.

Well, today I woke up and all I could think about was writing. I’ve had many days like this. I actually sat down and jotted down some vital notes that came to me about my story. I’m also realizing I need to get rid of a lot of distractions. When I get home from work, I like to watch mindless YouTube videos and I need to stop that. I need to read more. I also need to focus less on the fact that I’m lonely and more on the fact that I wrote all the time when I was in high school and I was lonelier then. It was my coping mechanism. Perhaps the Universe is trying, by whatever means possible, to get me back into writing consistently again.

After I jotted those notes, which will help me with writing the story (I envisioned a scene which spells out the theme of the script), I immediately began writing this blog.

This feeling I feel now, having a sense of direction in my script, is better than I’ve ever felt going out to bars and whatnot. I just needed a reminder of how good writing feels in comparison to the distractions I attempted to replace it with.

Mama

I never called my mom “mama” but I like to use song titles as my blog titles often and the Spice Girls song came to mind (also the Boys II Men song from Soul Food.) I didn’t call her mom either. I always called her Ma.

I have a lot on my mind today and thankfully it will be a busy day to keep me from dwelling on much of it.

I’ve always been a bad news first kinda guy, so the bad news is; my mom is being laid to rest today. I won’t be at the funeral, for my own assorted reasons, but I wanted to “say” something anyway.

I tried to think of a specific memory with my mom I wanted to share, but I couldn’t think of one. I think of a bunch of little things that made me happy growing up. My mind keeps coming back to movies. My mom had a huge stack of VHSs and when I was bored I’d pick a random one and watch. During summer, I’d just go through them all. She is probably the reason I have a passion for film.

I also remember going to Blockbuster as a kid. Every weekend we would go to this one with a subway next door, so we would get our rentals, we each got to pick (sometimes I would pick a game instead of a movie) and then head over there. I’d always get the turkey and bacon six inch. I remember once I got it with vinegar and oil and by the time we got home it was soggy. I’ve never ordered a sandwich with vinegar and oil since then. I also remember our many trips to our local Sony movie theater to watch the latest films.

There was one Christmas when my PS2 memory card corrupted and I needed a new one. Since it was Christmas time, it was hard to find one. I called every store in town and they were all sold out. Finally, a Blockbuster in New Milford (maybe 20-30 mins away) had one and she took me to get it. Sometimes we would go to that Blockbuster too. There was a Chinese restaurant next door. We’d get fried rice and spare ribs. Sooooo good.

I remember the weekend trips we would take. Before we would go, my mom would take my sisters and I to KB Toys and we each got to pick out a new toy. My sisters and I would make up silly stories and scenarios for my action figures in the backseat. I saw so many different places. I loved being in cars and I loved being in hotel rooms. They made me feel safe. Sometimes we would rent a car for the weekend. It was always fun picking out the car for the weekend.

My first plane ride was with my mom and sisters to Orlando to go to Disney World. I was so excited. My mom planned the trip for months. We got a Disney VHS (maybe it was a DVD by then) in the mail and I would watch it over and over. I remember that was the week Opps! I Did It Again came out (the album). My mom took us to a Virgin Records store before our flight and I bought it the first day it was released. I also bought a smoothie maker at a toy store that would work… but only if water were in it. Once you put the mix it, it wouldn’t.

One time we drove to Chesapeake Bay. It was my first time going to the ocean. At some point, my mom was asleep and my sisters and I decided to go swimming in the ocean (we had a hotel right on the beach and a room facing the ocean). She woke up and saw us from the balcony. I don’t remember how many stories up our room was, but I remember her saying she was so scared because she it looked like we were really far in the ocean, but we weren’t.

I have all these happy memories of growing up in Connecticut. We were a family then. There were so many good times. More than I can count.

The good news is; I’m moving to West Hollywood today. I’m very excited as that was my target area when I originally moved. My roommate is much closer to my own age and I’m going to be in an area that makes it easier to be social.

It is bittersweet. I don’t know how this works. I feel guilty for being excited and happy about this, but it has been something I’ve been looking forward to all month, at least the move to my new location. I’ve been looking forward to moving from my current place pretty much since I moved in about three months ago. When I’m alone with my thoughts, I feel guilty when my thoughts move away from my mom or how my family is handling everything.

Ghost in the Shell

I felt the need to write something really quickly to sort of my thoughts on the topic. So, I spent a good part of Friday arguing about the casting of the new Ghost in the Shell film. I want to preface by saying I love Scarlett Johansson. People give her a lot of shit, but I think she is a wonderful actress. However, I can’t help but think of the opportunity missed to increase representation and visibility in Hollywood.

Here is where the water gets murky though. About a year ago, when Fantastic Four was getting a lot of backlash for casting a black Johnny Storm, I sided with the creative liberties of the film makers. Does that make me a hypocrite if I feel it is OK for a white character to be played by a non-white actor/actress, but not vice versa? Only if we lived in a perfect world.

I wrote this long explanation, but I’m going to simplify it. Hollywood has a serious history of whitewashing, in part due to the fact that it started as a business exclusively for whites. Even today, there are still issues of diversity within Hollywood.

If white actors and actresses get 80% of the roles in Hollywood, and I’m just making up figures here for the sake of making a point, and non-white actors and actresses get the other 20%, one role taken from 20% hurts a lot whereas one role from 80% is insignificant. I feel the same in regards to women taking lead roles originally meant for men because of the same reasoning.

I do feel if race plays an important part of the story and/or character, it should remain unchanged. For instance, American History X wouldn’t work as well if Edward Norton’s character were anything but white, as he is a Neo-Nazi.

From a business standpoint, I do understand it, more or less. Scarlett being attached to this film will draw in her sci-fi fans, regardless of whether they know the series or not. However, in doing so, the film has already alienated fans of the anime.

P.S. It was also disheartening to read the studio tested using CGI to make white actors, they specified they didn’t test on Scarlett, look more Asian, which adds insult to injury.

Welcome to Me

I’ve been wanting to get back into blogging for a while now, but I wasn’t sure what to write about. I will start by saying I am extremely thankful I studied Film & Media. I like to think that everyone has a path in this life, set by the Universe, God, the Powers That Be, whatever. There were times when I didn’t understand my path in the moment, but looking back I was on the right path at the right time.

I hated that I took time off from school after a semester of college. My high school friends were graduating college at 22 and I was just going back to college. However, I might not have met the wonderful professors and taken the courses I did had I finished at 22 rather than 27. I also learned so much about myself through my college courses.

One of my last classes was a LGBT TV course. One assignment asked us to write about three things that define us, identity wise, and three shows that represented or helped us realize that. My three identifiers were: gay, black and geek. I wrote about how I always felt I had to keep the three separate. In some ways, I still feel that way, but I want this blog to find a way to mesh all three. The beautiful thing about writing is everyone has a voice and unique perspective. I’d like to show you mine.

I have so many opinions on games, movies and TV shows, but I also have a lot to say about what it means to be gay, what it means to be black and what it means to be gay AND black. So, welcome to me!

California Dreamin’

I moved to Los Angeles roughly two weeks ago. I figured now would be a great time to start blogging again. You know, discuss my career and personal successes and failures. It’s too soon to have any stories career wise, so I’ll just stick with the personal for now.

I first started blogging back on MySpace. I mean to save all those blogs, but when they redesigned the website after everyone moved on the Facebook, I lost it all. It’s probably for the best, but blogging helped me through some of my hard times in Arizona. Maybe it will have the same effect here.

I’ll just dive right into things. LA has been different than I expected. I tend to have high expectations, which lead to disappointment. Right now, this is one of those cases. I had this idea in my mind that I would get here and immediately start networking and making friends, but that’s not really happening.

It’s strange, because I have a handful of friends in Los Angeles, some of them I talked to a lot prior to moving. Some of them were very determined to see that I moved to Los Angeles, and now that I’m here… we haven’t talked or seen as much of each other as I thought.

Also, the handful of people I know don’t live near me. Well, they do, but in LA time, they are about 20 minutes away (which is roughly five miles) and Ubering around can add up. I’m also disappointed in my living situation. I love the place and I didn’t have to sacrifice any of the things I wanted, aside from location, but part of, what I thought would be the perk of, having a roommate was an instant way to network. My roommate is an older gay gentleman. I didn’t expect him to want to go out to the bars, but I did think he would at least go out or something, but so far, I’ve only witnessed him leave the house to go to the store and no one has come over.

I’m also looking for work, so my days are filled with nothing to do but send out resumes and search online for jobs… and Netflix. A classmate of mine moved out here last January and found a job in the industry within a month. She told me she would only take a job in the industry. Part of me wants to keep that same mentality… but the other part of me doesn’t want to go broke in this town. That part of me wants to get a call center job as a starting point and then transition into the industry if and when I can. The other part of me thinks if I get a call center job, why didn’t I just stay in Phoenix then?

So, my days, and nights, are filled with little to no human interaction. I don’t really talk to my roommate a lot. He seems like a nice enough person, but he has told me a lot of stories in the few times I’d spend extended periods of time with him and many of them didn’t add up. So, I’ve felt incredibly lonely. It’s odd, because I felt that way the last few weeks of my time in Arizona too. I thought my days and nights would be full of people trying to spend time with me before I moved away, but they weren’t.

And I know I have to be accountable for my own actions here. If I really wanted to make friends, I suppose I could just go out alone, but that scares me. Or, I could try contact people I know, but not very well, or people I wasn’t so close with that live here, but I’m afraid to do that too. LA is definitely a place where you have to come out of your comfort zone, so I either have to start or just learn to deal with the loneliness.

This all sounds bitter and sad because, well, I’m bitter and sad right now, but LA has had its positives as well. I love the weather here and walking around or going for a drive makes me feel good. In Arizona, if I wanted food, I’d drive or have it delivered, but there has been some pretty good food within walking distance, and parking is a bitch here, so I just walk over and pick it up. My sadness has affected my appetite though. I haven’t eaten a lot here. I’ve already dropped almost 10lbs, which probably isn’t very healthy to do in a little over two weeks…

Despite being sad and lonely, I’m ever the optimist. I’m certain things will turn around. I still feel this is where I’m meant to be right now. I just have to give it time and if the effort I’m giving isn’t enough, I’ll just have to give more. It does make me wonder about my Phoenix life though. I mean, if my roommate hadn’t taken me to this party to gay-network, I wonder if I’d know any of the people I know now (almost all of the people I know I met through at that party or through someone at that party). I need some event like that here.

Party in the USA

I was one of those people who took a long time, or at least in my opinion a long time, to come out. One of those people who were so obviously gay, but denied it anyway.

Although, in my defense, I was never really truly attracted to anyone to gauge one way or the other, and that was the excuse I’d use. Though I always failed to mention that since the age of 18 or so I’ve had this particular fantasy. It is cheesy, but one I’m still waiting for nonetheless. It wasn’t even a sexual one. It was just the end of a date, a first date, and the guy walks me back to my door and gives me a kiss and leaves.

Despite my stoic nature, I am a rather romantic person, and I’m still waiting for that date to occur.

The main reason I didn’t want to be gay had to do with my fear of not having a family. Somehow, I’d told myself if I accepted I was gay I also had to accept I’d never have a “normal” life with a “normal” family. I couldn’t have a husband and we wouldn’t be able to have or adopt kids. And I wasn’t ready to accept that I couldn’t have what I wanted.

It wasn’t until about 21 or so that I came out. This was after watching a lot of gay movies and Queer as Folk. QaF had a huge influence on me. I learned being gay wasn’t just about drugs, sex and alcohol… though the show depicts a lot of those three things. It could also be about commitment, partnership, and (most important to me) family. Michael and Ben were what I aspire to be someday with my future partner.

I write all that to say that today the Supreme Court has ruled that gay marriage is legal in all 50 states. It makes me so happy because it puts me one step closer to my dream of a family. This is something my 18 year old self thought was never possible. He spent so much time telling himself he could never have the life he wanted, so he would just be alone the rest of his life instead… That idea has been chipping away with time, but I feel today a huge chuck chipped away.

To know that someday I’ll find the love of my life and our marriage will be recognized all over our country is a very beautiful thing.