First, I’d like to say it’s CRAZY to me that I didn’t write a SINGLE post last year. People are still viewing my posts, I’m not sure why, but thank you… and I’m going to try to be more consistent this year.
As I said in my last post… from 2023… I try not to post too much about myself online. I have a journal for that. But, I’ll tell you some things you can easily glean from my Instagram.
Last year was a year of change for me. I went out of the country for the first time ever. There was a time in my life when I thought traveling to new places wasn’t in the cards for me (someone who was born in Connecticut and lives in California and took road trips as a child all the time.) I suppose I thought it was an expense I would never be able to afford, but I did it, and it was an amazing trip.
Before my trip out of the country, I went to Puerto Vallarta, I went to Palm Springs and celebrated two friends getting married. It’s very rare that I attend a wedding. I think I’ve been to four in my lifetime, with two of them being before I was 18 (one as a child and one at 17) and then two in the past two years or so. I tend to be (or think I tend to be) stoic. My emotions and feelings tend to be held close to the chest, but I do enjoy a wedding. Seeing two people stand in front of the people they love and profess their love for each other. That’s beautiful and reminds me of how obsessed I was with romcoms and true love and all that jazz as a child. But also, as a child, I told myself, those things weren’t for me, because I was also well aware I was gay.
That being said, the last two weddings were gay weddings, so maybe it’ll happen for me someday.
I also went to NYC this year. That was such a great trip and made me feel close to home. As I said earlier, I’m from Connecticut, and I haven’t been that close to home since I was maybe 16, I think?
I also moved out on my own. I’ve always had roommates, and I told myself with my ex-roommate that once we parted ways, I was going to live on my own. We didn’t end on bad terms, he and his boyfriend got a place together, and I had just happened to find this cute studio for myself, so we ended up telling each other at the same time that we were moving out. It’s been so interesting living on my own (it’s only been a little over a month). It can be a bit quiet and lonely sometimes, but I like being in control.
The main thing about having a roommate that bothered me was the fact that they could at any moment decide they were going to leave and that could completely uproot my life.
While this studio is cute and will do for now, I already know my next place needs to be at least a one-bedroom. I want a bigger divide between my sleeping space and my gaming/working/watching shows and movies space… but that’s all in due time.
I saw a few films in theaters this year. That thought is really what prompted me to write, and at some point, I’ll devote a post to the content I’ve been watching, but I think I can give a bit of a preview.
If you don’t know, I went to school for screenwriting. That’s why I made the move to Los Angeles. However, I can’t remember the last time I wrote a script. I got swept up in the surviving LA parts and didn’t have time to write, and now that I’m surviving and have free time to write, I feel it’s been too long and I can’t do it anymore. So, now my fear of not being good enough keeps me from writing… and I’m well aware that if I want to be good enough I need to practice writing…
The Golden Globes were on tonight, and though I don’t devote too much time or attention to award shows, I must admit they can be so inspiring. I remember watching the Oscars and seeing Everything Everywhere All At Once winning everything and how moved I was by the speeches.
Tonight, I was moved by Demi Moore’s speech. I wasn’t aware it was her first award as an actress until she said it. I just assumed she won for something. She’s forever my queen because of her role as Madison Lee in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, and that was the main reason I wanted to see The Substance. I LOVED that film. I saw it twice in theaters (the first time, by myself, and the second time with a friend) and I’ll make a post about it later, but her speech spoke to me.
I don’t know if you, my gentle reader, are religious or not. I’m not a religious person. Not a big fan of organized religion, but that’s a story for another day. Though I’m not religious, I do like to think there’s a higher power of some sort. Maybe not a “God” per se. I like to refer to it as The Universe, as cliche as that may sound. And I believe the Universe likes to whisper to us, and if we don’t get it, it shouts.
I’ve been getting whispers lately…
It started maybe a week or so ago. See, I bought a new TV. My last one was from 2016. This one is from 2024… and bigger. I fell in love with it immediately. One of my favorite things is it doesn’t have a glare like my old one would. Anyway, since it is new and shiny, and my best friend from college turned me into a videophile, the FIRST thing I wanted to do, aside from play video games on it, was watch 4k films on it and see how it compared to my old TV.
The first film I watched on it was Black Widow. See, I’m a very superstitious person, so I’m VERY particular about the first things I do in a new apartment (usually burn a sage candle these days, so LA, I know), the first game I play on a new console AND the first thing I watch on a new TV.
I love Black Widow. It’s easily my favorite MCU film, so it was the perfect candidate. But then, I wanted to watch other MCU films. I didn’t want to go through them all (the Thor films never did much for me), but I went through the Avenger films, and then the Captain America Civil War one. The more I watched, the more my mind started to think of ideas.
It’s been SO long since I’ve had a script brainstorming session, and the past week or so, my mind hasn’t stopped thinking of ideas. It’s thinking of new ideas and thinking of ways to tinker with old ones.
When I was a kid, I loved a puzzle, and I liken screenwriting to a puzzle you have to solve. And I can watch something and think of how the solutions in that could possibly be solutions to issues with my scripts.
Now to bring it full circle…
In college, I remember a time when we had to introduce ourselves in screenwriting class. I was already self-conscious because I was like 24 -25, and these were 18 – 19-year-olds (not that that’s a big age difference, but it felt like it to me) and these kids were naming these classics as their favorite films. When it got to me, I said my current favorites were Scott Pilgrim Vs The World and Sucker Punch. I explained how I love a film set in a hyperrealistic world. And I remember some giggles and even the professor saying something along the lines of “Hopefully, you’ll be able to write better films than those.” (No hate for that professor, as he was one of my favorites.)
I needed to realize, and to be honest, I’m still in the process of realizing, that I’m probably not going to win awards for the writing I want to write. I want to write action, horror and sci-fi. I want to write MCU-type films, and those aren’t getting Oscars (at least not now).
Demi’s speech felt like she was talking to me. Telling me that I don’t need an award or accolades to do the thing I love.
There was a time in my life when you’d always find me writing, be it at home, at work or at school. Now I’m afraid to write.
It all became TOO real when I moved to Los Angeles. It was like, shit, I’m REALLY doing this… and I stopped in my tracks.
I want 2025 to be the year of writing for me. I have posts floating in my head. I honestly was going to just write about The Substance or maybe even All Of Us Strangers, but I felt compelled to gab a bit since I didn’t post all last year.
Anyway, I say all that to say, I plan to post a lot more this year, and I plan to work on scripts too. It feels so good to have my mind tinkering with writing ideas again. It feels like reuniting with an old friend.
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