Tipping

So, this is outside my normal scope of blogs, but it was on my mind, so here we go.

Let’s start with the fact that I’ve never been a server/waiter/bartender/Uber driver, etc, but I have worked in customer service, and I’ve experienced how people can treat someone doing a service. That being said, it seems like people tend to look down on someone doing a service for them. I see it differently, this person is doing a service for me, so I’m appreciative, and one of the ways I show my appreciation is by tipping.

Since the pandemic, I’ve been ordering UberEats/DoorDash a lot more (it’s something I’m trying to work on because it’s a money suck…) and I couldn’t imagine not tipping the driver. The way I see it, I’m too lazy to go get the food myself, so I’m extremely grateful for them going to get it for me. I used to just tip 20% for this, but then I saw this tweet from someone and they said they tip their UberEats driver based on the distance from the restaurant, and I do the same thing. That being said, the lowest I will tip is $5. And the restaurants tend to be 2 – 3 miles from me, so I think that’s reasonable. Also, I’m just ordering for myself, so most of the time that comes out to be more than 20% anyway.

At bars and restaurants, I tip whatever is the next whole dollar after 20%, or more, because I don’t want to do more math than I need to, and I use my pleases and thank yous.

I can count on one hand the times I haven’t tipped, most being because someone else tipped on their card (like in situations where I had ordered less than others, but we split the bill evenly). Even then, I feel guilty putting a zero, because I don’t want the server thinking I don’t tip. There was one time when I didn’t tip because of service. It was years ago. This place had long community-style tables, like a school cafeteria, but fancier. Our server was at the other end of the table just chatting it up with this other group. We wanted to order breakfast, and we were ready to order, but by the time our server came back, he told us breakfast was over. He made it seem like it was our fault… but we were waiting for him to come and take our order. The service was the worst I’d ever had because he was focused on this other table. And it wasn’t a matter of him being busy with other tables, he was just at that table talking. I’ve never had service like that before or since, and I never went back to that restaurant. Some people are of the mindset that tipping is optional or the amount is determined by how well they thought the server did… I’m not of that mindset. I always tip, and at a bar/restaurant, it will always be at least 20%, for my UberEats, always at least $5, and for my Uber rides, always at least $3, unless it is far enough that it changes to 20% (mind you, most of my Uber rides are $6 – $9.)

One time, many years ago, in my college days, a big group of us, maybe 10 – 12 went to Applebee’s or Chili’s, and when it was time to pay, it was chaos… which is probably the reason restaurants don’t split bills with that many people anymore. In the chaos, I noticed that one of my friends hadn’t paid, and he stuck his unpaid receipt in the book (for lack of a better term) with someone who had already paid. I hadn’t paid yet, and I didn’t say anything to him, I just took his receipt and I paid for mine and his. It wasn’t expensive, maybe an extra $20 on my part, and I assume he had the money to pay for it, but I knew I didn’t want it coming out of the waitress’s pay.

So, I say all that to say I watched a video recently (I’m not sure if it’s a skit or not, but the conversation is worth having) where a delivery driver is taking back a $400+ order because the people who received it didn’t tip. That is INSANE to me… and a lot of the comments SUPPORT the person not tipping… which is even crazier to me. The way people try to justify it. Someone said, you never know what someone is going through, this could be their last amount of money… The order was over $400… Another comment said to take off an item and use that money as a tip. Conversations about tipping are triggering to me because I don’t understand how someone can expect to have a service done, in America, where we know people who do these types of services aren’t paid well because we have a social contract to tip, and don’t tip.

All of the excuses are just excuses.

“They need to take it up with their employer” – Ok, that makes you just as bad as their employer, if not worse, because you go into the situation knowing they aren’t paid enough, and you are taking advantage.

“Tipping is optional” – While true, again, when you go to a restaurant/bar or order something for delivery, you are entering a social contract, here in America, that you will tip this person for their service… to not do that makes you a bad person in my eyes. There could be a conversation about doing away with the tipping system, as other countries don’t tip, but for now, this is the system we’re in, and we shouldn’t abuse it.

“They should get a different job” – This really pisses me off because it is very pass the buck… because someone still has to do THIS job, so what are we doing to make this job liveable?

It seems like our society makes it so people desire someone else to look down on. People think they are somehow better than someone else because they are doing a service for them and that’s very weird to me. I’ll also say, my reason for treating people who serve me well has nothing to do with a fear of them doing something to my drink or my food… it’s because I genuinely appreciate them doing this service for me.

Back to this video (maybe skit). A lot of it isn’t food, it’s a bunch of drinks, so I think it was food for a party. And people in the comments are saying people don’t know what it’s like to struggle, maybe they don’t have a car, maybe this, maybe that… Why are we having so much compassion for these people who placed a $400+ order and refuse to tip? The delivery person is probably struggling more than those people.

And to know what it’s like to struggle, and still be that way towards others… I remember days when I had to go to the ATM and take out $20 because my rent payment was about to come out and put my account in the negative. That $20 would be for me to go to the grocery store and get a few things to last me until my next paycheck. I’m very grateful that those days are far behind me, and I think that’s what made me tip the way I do. Even in those days, if I did go out, I still tipped at least 20% because it isn’t right to visit your financial issues on others.

The other day I saw this post where someone wrote on their bill, where the tip should go, “college student”… That’s not an excuse not to tip! And don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people checking the wallets of the less fortunate. It isn’t up to me to decide if someone has the finances to get a TV or iPhone or go out for dinner… But if you do go out to dinner, and you are treating yourself, you need to include a tip in that budget.

This individualist mentality is the reason it will take a long time, if ever, for our society to get better. The corporations treat people like shit, and then those people turn around and treat people they deem lesser than like shit as well… It’s a vicious cycle.

I say all that to say, just tip people. If you don’t want to tip people, that’s fine too… but then you also should go out to restaurants or bars… or have people deliver things to you via UberEats, Instacart, etc. Go get it yourself or make it yourself, etc.

If I ever become wealthy (I don’t want to be a billionaire because there’s no ethical way to do that), I want to be known as a person who is a generous tipper. I love hearing stories of celebrities who are kind to wait staff and tip well. I can’t remember who it was, but someone told a story online of a celebrity who asked her what her rent was, and when she told him, that was what he gave her as a tip. That’s something I’d like to think I’d do, if I had the wealth to do it, and I wish more people had that mindset.