Tick, Tick… Boom!

It’s been a while since I made a post. I’m still alive and well! I just wonder what I want this blog to be. Being the Virgo I am (my birthday is in 18 days!), I overthink and find myself immobilized instead of taking any action for fear of taking the wrong act. What does that have to do with anything? Let’s dive in…

The other night, I was in the mood to watch a movie. I have all the streaming services, minus Apple TV and Starz, and I will spend at least an hour scrolling through all of them hoping for something to grab my attention. This also happens when I’m trying to pick what I want to order via Uber Eats… and most times I have to make an insignificant decision.

While doomscrolling through Netflix, I came across Tick, Tick… Boom! I’m surprised I never heard of it before. The autoplay trailer started and I was fascinated. See, R.E.N.T is a little before my time, but the film wasn’t. The first time I watched it, I was 18 and confused as to why these people were singing and dancing about HIV/AIDS like they were happy to have it. I’m proud to say my critical thinking skills have evolved in the almost 17 years since then… Damn, almost half a lifetime ago…

Anyway, as a teenager, I LOVED watching the special features and watching films with the audio commentary on (something I wish we still had in the streaming age, which is why I still collect Blu Rays of my favorite films). Sidenote, one night I watched Serenity and was so blown away that I immediately watched it again with the commentary on. I was up all night. Watching the special features for R.E.N.T quickly gave me a new perspective on the film. Instead of being confused, I was now in awe. Particularly about the fact that Jonathan Larson, the show’s creator, died the night before the off-Broadway premiere. It resonated with me… and I imagine it resonates with other aspiring artists too… The thought, and fear, of dying before seeing the success of one’s art.

Something I didn’t realize until well into the film is Tick, Tick… Boom! is also a musical Larson created. Going into it, I thought it would be a musical about the creation of R.E.N.T. Forgive me, as I’m not as well-versed in theater, let alone musical theater, as I’d like to be. It was such a delightful film to watch and naturally made me think of R.E.N.T.

The cast was incredible. Andrew Garfield plays Larson. Now, I’ve never thought about Garfield’s acting one way or the other, but I was thoroughly impressed. His singing voice was also a pleasant surprise. Alexandra Shipp plays Susan, Larson’s girlfriend. Though I wish she’d had more opportunities to sing, I liked her in the film as well. Vanessa Hudgens plays Larson’s friend, Karessa… and though I do make fun of her Sneakernight song (despite still having it on my phone), I am a fan of her work. I never saw Highschool Musical, and apparently, I saw the first thing she was in without realizing it at the time when I watched Thirteen, but what I have seen of her has always been impressive to me. I LOVED her in Sucker Punch. (I love Sucker Punch and one day I’ll have to revisit that with a post because it’s problematic, but I love it.) I enjoyed her as Maureen when Fox did its R.E.N.T Live, and I know she’s also played Mimi, I believe at the Hollywood Bowl sometime. It was really cool to see someone who has played characters in R.E.N.T have a role in this film. (And before anyone comes for me, I do know that the original Roger, Mimi and Angel make an appearance as bums… if anyone else does, I’m not well-versed on theater.) Lastly, on Hudgens, her voice is made for theater, in my opinion.

Then there’s Robin de Jesus. When I was watching, I was like, who is this hot pocket gay of a man?!? When watching something, even something I’ve seen before, I like to go to IMDB and Wikipedia to see where I know people from and read about what I’m watching. I was SHOCKED to realize Robin was the kid from Camp. It’s always interesting to watch something after it comes out because I don’t think I saw Camp until I was at least 18. I was probably 19 or 20 actually. So, I assumed he was younger than I am, as he was in his teens when he did Camp. But that film came out in the early 2000s. Anyway, I looked him up and his birthday is 9 days before mine, but he is also 4 years older than I am. Doing the math (and refusing to go back and edit. In 2003, when he did Camp, I would have been 15 and he would have been 19… So by the time I watch the film, I was the age he was when he made it… and still thought he was younger than me!)

The film made me laugh. The film made me cry… It also made me think about my own legacy, as I often do when I think or watch R.E.N.T. In a way, I envy starving artists. I miss that passion for writing. I’m not sure where it went or how to get it back. The thing is, I still get excited about film and TV. I still like reading scripts and listening to audio commentary and discussing film and tv critically… I just don’t write anymore. Part of me thinks it is exhaustion. I’ve been in LA for 7 1/2 years now, and it took a LOT of my willpower to make it. Up until the pandemic, at any given time, I had a full-time job and a part-time job to make ends meet. I didn’t have a lot of free time. I would tell myself once I made enough from a single job, I could devote my free time to writing again. I have one job that pays the bills, but I haven’t gotten back into writing yet. Another part is fear. I fear my writing isn’t good enough. I need to work on my grammar, and I need to stop starting sentences with “I”… It’s probably a mixture of exhaustion and fear.

I’m also aware that if I don’t write, I won’t get any better. Since childhood, I’ve known I wanted to be a writer. In college, I decided I wanted to be a screenwriter and I was going to move to LA. Two months after graduation, that’s what I did… moved to LA. And I haven’t been writing consistently since. There are ideas, and I jot them down and try to flesh them out… but the thought of opening Final Draft and putting digital words to digital paper is terrifying to me. It’s been 7 1/2 years with no writing, more or less. Whatever skill or talent I had is probably gone by now, right?

Something the film, and R.E.N.T, make me want, aside from the passion of a starving artist, is a group of artist friends. You’d think living in LA that would be easy to have… and maybe it is, but I don’t have one. When I was in high school, I LOVED sharing the stories I wrote with my friends. I liked being able to have conversations about what I wrote and get feedback. I think I need that again. I’m not good at just writing in a chamber. Even in college, despite the fear it invoked, I enjoyed discussing my work with my peers. I enjoyed reading other’s people work and discussing it with them. It seems that when I love that sense of comradery, I also lost the drive to create.

Watching the film made me want to write. Hell, it inspired me to write my first post in how long? I admire Larson, and he inspired so many artists out there. Even Lin-Manuel Miranda, of Hamilton fame, who directed the film talked about how Larson inspired him as a teen… and look at him now. Even if I don’t get to see the success of my writing in my own lifetime, I still want to write my stories and put them somewhere. I’m not saying I have the talent or creative mind of Larson, I’m not that delusional. I just feel so inspired by his work and his story.

If you read all this and are a fan of R.E.N.T, I highly recommend it. I’m honestly surprised I hadn’t heard of it, seeing how it came out at the end of 2021.