Anyone who knows me probably knows I’m a huge Buffy fan, I mean, look at the name of the blog, rogue slayer… And, of course, if that doesn’t tell you, my favorite character is Faith. She’s easily my favorite fictional character. I related so much to her when I was in high school and my early 20s and she and Buffy helped me through a lot of dark times in my life, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.
The other week, my roommate told me about a Buffy trivia night happening at a bar down the street from our apartment. I was skeptical at first but decided to go. I had to find teammates, as each group had to have four but that turned out to be pretty simple. I was so nervous about going. I didn’t know my teammates ahead of time and despite going out all the time, I’m terribly shy and socially awkward. Part of me was tempted to just stay home and sleep but I got up and went and I had a blast.
Our group was called Five by Five. I loved the name as Faith is my favorite character, and she was the favorite of another member of the team. The bar was packed and everyone was wearing Buffy shirts, I wore my Five by Five one, and I knew Buffy was popular, but for some reason, I didn’t expect there to be as big a crowd. It brought me back to my high school days when I would spend my nights and weekends in my room watching Buffy and it made me wish I’d had something like this back then.
That trivia night lit a spark in me to write again. Back in the day, I’d put Buffy on as background noise and just write. It was such an inspiration to me creatively, I’d like to create stories that help people like these stories helped and still help me and I’m realizing I need to shift priorities if I expect that to happen.
When I was in high school, I was more or less a loner, at least for my freshman year. I didn’t have a desire to make friends, as I thought my time in GA would be temporary, when I realized it wouldn’t be, I figured making friends would help pass the time. Like Faith, I’ve always longed to be a part of something, but I’ve never quite gotten it right, or somehow managed to mess it up. I was more content with that in high school, I think, than I am with it now. I go out, and I don’t even enjoy going out unless I’ve had a few drinks, and I feel I’m trying to fill this void that writing once filled. Before I was 21, writing was my escape from my problems. I could just jump into a world of my own creation, one I controlled (which is why I love Sucker Punch so much.) The past few years, food and alcohol have been an alternative, and as that tends to be more social, it filled the loneliness writing couldn’t.
But I’m thirty now and I have dreams and goals. I moved to Los Angeles to become a writer, not to become a socialite. I need to find some writer friends, though I’m not sure how to go about that… but I tend to achieve what I set my mind to. Maybe I had it right in high school? Maybe I should stick to being at home writing, reading, drawing, watching movies/TV and playing video games. I definitely felt more creative then and writing came easily. I don’t know, I just don’t want to wake up and be 40 with nothing to show as my free time was spent at the bars or nursing hangovers as opposed to writing and developing my craft.
Writing was everything to me and I’m going to get back to that.
Rogueslayer0's Blog 