Mama

I never called my mom “mama” but I like to use song titles as my blog titles often and the Spice Girls song came to mind (also the Boys II Men song from Soul Food.) I didn’t call her mom either. I always called her Ma.

I have a lot on my mind today and thankfully it will be a busy day to keep me from dwelling on much of it.

I’ve always been a bad news first kinda guy, so the bad news is; my mom is being laid to rest today. I won’t be at the funeral, for my own assorted reasons, but I wanted to “say” something anyway.

I tried to think of a specific memory with my mom I wanted to share, but I couldn’t think of one. I think of a bunch of little things that made me happy growing up. My mind keeps coming back to movies. My mom had a huge stack of VHSs and when I was bored I’d pick a random one and watch. During summer, I’d just go through them all. She is probably the reason I have a passion for film.

I also remember going to Blockbuster as a kid. Every weekend we would go to this one with a subway next door, so we would get our rentals, we each got to pick (sometimes I would pick a game instead of a movie) and then head over there. I’d always get the turkey and bacon six inch. I remember once I got it with vinegar and oil and by the time we got home it was soggy. I’ve never ordered a sandwich with vinegar and oil since then. I also remember our many trips to our local Sony movie theater to watch the latest films.

There was one Christmas when my PS2 memory card corrupted and I needed a new one. Since it was Christmas time, it was hard to find one. I called every store in town and they were all sold out. Finally, a Blockbuster in New Milford (maybe 20-30 mins away) had one and she took me to get it. Sometimes we would go to that Blockbuster too. There was a Chinese restaurant next door. We’d get fried rice and spare ribs. Sooooo good.

I remember the weekend trips we would take. Before we would go, my mom would take my sisters and I to KB Toys and we each got to pick out a new toy. My sisters and I would make up silly stories and scenarios for my action figures in the backseat. I saw so many different places. I loved being in cars and I loved being in hotel rooms. They made me feel safe. Sometimes we would rent a car for the weekend. It was always fun picking out the car for the weekend.

My first plane ride was with my mom and sisters to Orlando to go to Disney World. I was so excited. My mom planned the trip for months. We got a Disney VHS (maybe it was a DVD by then) in the mail and I would watch it over and over. I remember that was the week Opps! I Did It Again came out (the album). My mom took us to a Virgin Records store before our flight and I bought it the first day it was released. I also bought a smoothie maker at a toy store that would work… but only if water were in it. Once you put the mix it, it wouldn’t.

One time we drove to Chesapeake Bay. It was my first time going to the ocean. At some point, my mom was asleep and my sisters and I decided to go swimming in the ocean (we had a hotel right on the beach and a room facing the ocean). She woke up and saw us from the balcony. I don’t remember how many stories up our room was, but I remember her saying she was so scared because she it looked like we were really far in the ocean, but we weren’t.

I have all these happy memories of growing up in Connecticut. We were a family then. There were so many good times. More than I can count.

The good news is; I’m moving to West Hollywood today. I’m very excited as that was my target area when I originally moved. My roommate is much closer to my own age and I’m going to be in an area that makes it easier to be social.

It is bittersweet. I don’t know how this works. I feel guilty for being excited and happy about this, but it has been something I’ve been looking forward to all month, at least the move to my new location. I’ve been looking forward to moving from my current place pretty much since I moved in about three months ago. When I’m alone with my thoughts, I feel guilty when my thoughts move away from my mom or how my family is handling everything.